Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Do you know if your child or adolescent is using drugs? What are the key signs to look for? Listen in as Dr. John Schinnerer, host of Guide to Self radio, shares the telltale signs. Guide To Self radio airs on KDIA 1640 AM at 5 pm daily.
(925) 944-3440

Dr. John Schinnerer, host of Guide To Self radio, speaks out on top ways to reduce city-wide violence. Listen in as he tells of the Broken Window Theory which lead to great success in crime reduction in New York City and Tacoma Washington. Richmond, CA is next up for a reduction in violent crimes. Guide To Self Radio airs daily at 5 pm PST on KDIA 1640 AM ( Guide To Self can be visited at Dr. John is available for coaching and consultation at (925) 944-3440.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

What is positive psychology and why should you care? Dr. John Schinnerer takes you on an audio journey describing this new branch of psychology. Positive psychology looks at what is RIGHT with you instead of what is WRONG with you. It looks at your strengths rather than your weaknesses. It looks at how you can become healthier and happier rather than how broken and sad you are. And, best of all, it is all based on the latest in scientific research from top universities around the world. Find out some of the proven positive psychology exercises that you can use to improve your happiness today. Guide To Self Radio airs on KDIA, 1640 AM in the SF Bay Area with host, Dr. John Schinnerer, a U.C. Berkeley psychologist.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Dr. John Schinnerer, host of Guide To Self Radio, jokes his way through a discussion on specific tools to use to identify and overcome destructive thoughts.

Make no mistake. Your thoughts are critical to your success and passion and love of life. Your thoughts and your feelings are the ones
to become expert. On Guide To Self Radio on kDIA 1640 AM in SF Bay Area. 5 pm daily.
(925) 944-3440 Duration: 54 minutes, 38 seconds

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Part 2 of a 2 part series on effective boundaries. Dr. John Schinnerer coaches Amy on how to be appropriately assertive by figuring out where her personal boundaries are and then enforcing
them. Learn how to say NO and stick to it without guilt.

Dr. John Schinnerer, host of Guide To Self Radio, interviews Dr. Mohammad Shafii, author of School Violence and Director of Child and
Adolescent Psychiatry at the University of Louisville School of Medicine. Focus is on the out of control Violence in Richmond and the ways to quell it. Check out more shows at . (925) 944-3440

Dr. John Schinnerer coaches Amy on how to be appropriately assertive by figuring out where her personal boundaries are and then enforcing
them. Learn how to say NO and stick to it without guilt.

Personal boundaries are the key to being assertive without aggression. The main idea with boundaries is that you are responsible to others
and for yourself. Boundaries are NOT walls. They are permeable. Boundaries allow good in and keep bad out.

The goal is to find a balance between being
flexible and firm. Join Dr. John Schinnerer on Guide To Self Radio and find out HOW!

Dr. Lusckin, Would you please tell our listeners about the following ... Tell us about the blame game.
How do we help those planes, our grievances, in our head to land?
Tell us about unenforceable rules.
How does forgiveness help us to be less angry?
Does it help us physically?
How do you forgive?
How do you learn to take things less personally?

Richmond is the most violent city in California. It ranks 11th among the most violent cities in America. This is unacceptable and we will find a way to improve the situation.

Dr. John Schinnerer has a candid talk with a wise cop on the Richmond P.D., Lt. Mark Gagan. Mark has led SWAT teams, worked homicide and patroled the street. On top of that, he has a remarkable and poignant take on the perception of cops within Richmond, the prevalence of depression and PTSD among the officers, the horrors of witnessing the crime scenes over and over. The stress of knowing that potentially everyone around you is a threat. So most officers ridicule emotions. What they don't realize is that the negative emotions created by ongoing violenct aftermath are literally eating them alive - from the inside out. That attitude is the first step to real change withing the Richmond PD. We need a little enlightenment injected into the culture. Dr. John Schinnerer

Dr. John Schinnerer, host of Guide To Self Radio on KDIA 1640 AM, interviews Dr. Fred Luskin, author of Forgive for Good. Forgiveness is
an extremely powerful tool for getting past tragedy, betrayal, hurt and deception. We've all been hurt in life. Pain is the price of admission to life. Everyone gets their share of emotional hard knocks, bumps and bruises. They key is in learning to forgive and let the anger, sadness and disappointment go. Here is a powerful tool to help you let your negative emotions go.

What is positive psychology? It's hard science

Guide To Self coaching and radio both focus on the intersection of positive psychology, emotional management, physical health and spirituality to allow people to find passion, purpose and peace. 
So what, exactly, is positive psychology?
Where traditional psychology has focused on what is wrong with us, positive psychology focuses on what is right with us. Positive psychology focuses on our strengths and positive attributes.
The best part is that it’s all based on scientific research. To many people, “positive psychology” sounds like all the other self help, self improvement hoo-haa out there. It’s not.  It's all based on hard science.
Each of us wants to be happier, more productive, have healthy relationships and discover our purpose in life. And in 1998, a new branch of psychology sprung up specifically for those purposes - positive psychology.  
Positive psychology studies positive emotions (e.g. joy, excitement and forgiveness) and positive qualities (e.g. wisdom, emotional intelligence and curiosity) in people. What’s more, positive psychology looks at new ways to develop these areas and how to use them to achieve greater happiness, productivity, and passion. 
The most exciting part it is that it is not merely a motivational speech or bits of baseless self help advice.  It’s science.  Positive psychology studies these subjects scientifically and provides empirically proven exercises to help us achieve our dreams and goals.
There are numerous simple yet powerful exercises proven to increase your satisfaction with life. These scientifically proven tools can identify your strengths, increase your passion for life, create more optimism and help you manage your thoughts and emotions. It is truly powerful information.
Another way to think of positive psychology is using a football analogy. Click here for the football analogy.
Dr. John Schinnerer, host of Guide To Self Radio, lifts you from merely surviving to positively thriving. Recent advances in science have shown that everyone can learn to increase their level of happiness, emotional intelligence, passion and satisfaction with life. Find out how - now.
Guide To Self Radio is on KDIA 1640 AM every Monday - Friday at 5 pm.
Thanks for visiting!

Dr. John Schinnerer
Guide To Self Radio

Monday, November 21, 2005

More Ways to Build Resiliency - The Key to Success

More Ways to Build Resiliency – The Main Component of a Successful Individual
Guide To Self
Dr. John Schinnerer
I speak a lot about resiliency, a key component in a happy, successful and thriving life. Resiliency is the ability to bounce back from adversity with more passion and knowledge than you had before the bad times. Bad times are inevitable. They are the price of admission to the game called life. Greater resiliency means that your mood, your outlook and your health rebound more quickly from tragedy.
Here are some additional ways that a person can boost their resiliency by asking for help from appropriate others: namely, seeking out support from your loved ones. There is honor in asking for help. This is one lesson that took me years to figure out. When I was growing up, it was just understood that you didn’t ask other people for help. It’s difficult to ask for help. I think it’s burned into the American psyche that we must pull ourselves up by our bootstraps, that we do it alone, otherwise we are weak.
Well, I’m here to tell you that the real weakness is the belief that you can or should do it alone. More and more, we are learning that not only is life easier when we ask for appropriate help, it creates more happiness for us and those around us and this leads to a better quality of life for all of us.
Also, there are cognitive strategies that we can use to make the best of a lousy situation. In highly emotional situations, however, using these strategies can be both transformative as well as helpful in making the best of a terrible situation.
Suppression where you sit on an intense negative emotion until you can calm down. Example, A man on probation for the first time “counting to ten” while intentionally looking at his anger, as opposed to instinctively punching a highway patrolman.
Anticipation where you know something bad is coming and you mentally prepare for it. As with a father rehearsing and preparing himself emotionally, instead of denying, the fact that his son is dying.
Altruism is where you do to others as you would like others to do to you. As with a survivor of child abuse, instead of abusing his own kids, he donates his time to a shelter for other abuse survivors.
These behaviors come to fruition as we mature as life-altering shifts in how we perceive ourselves and the world around us. It is possible. You can do it.  Awareness is the first step. Desire to change is the second.
Many of these factors that bolster resiliency such as altruism, humor, suppression and anticipation, are common among the mentally healthy and become more prevalent as individuals get older and progress through their life.
Suppression lacks the compassion of altruism, and it is frequently regarded by therapists as a negative, not a positive. However, suppression can be used effectively, like buying yourself precious seconds to calm down and plan your next step.
Suppression involves the decision to postpone paying attention to a intense emotion or conflict. A critical difference between suppression and repression, is the extent to which suppression enables all the elements of conflict to exist at least partially in consciousness. So even while holding back the strong emotion, you are still aware of it and its cause. The delicate conscious awareness involved in successful suppression is partly voluntary and partly involuntary. It involves the ability to keep your current emotional impulse in mind and to control it. It requires practice yet it can be done.
The use of anticipation is typically voluntary. It is in cases where trauma is expected and foreseen that anticipation becomes a useful coping skill. Anticipation is the ability to keep the emotional response to an unbearable future in mind and in so doing, prepare yourself for the emotional storm that is coming.
Anticipation is the capacity to view future adversity emotionally as well as cognitively and thus to break down a larger problem into smaller chunks to enable you to deal with it better. Anticipation involves both thinking and feeling about the future.
For example, consider legendary pilot Chuck Yeager who calmly excelled at dangerous flying by dealing with stress in tiny increments. It would have been equally problematic to underestimate the danger as to exaggerate it. So he worried in advance, made lists, and practiced. Then, appreciating that he had prepared as well as he could, he relaxed. Anticipation is so easy to suggest but difficult to do.
Having a strong spirituality also helps our resiliency. Spirituality, or a personal faith in something greater than ourselves, enriches and sustains our resiliency reserves. In many ways it is the foundation of resiliency, the belief that good will ultimately outweigh the bad. Faith cannot be arrived at by means of the intellect. It must be approached at an emotional level. In my experience, emotional awareness is necessary for true faith. Originally, I approached spirituality from a purely intellectual view. The intellectual approach merely allowed me to become familiar with the concepts of world religions. It provided me with a distant connection to something greater than myself. However, it did not lead to a satisfying personal relationship with a higher power. There is a huge difference between connecting to a higher power with your heart rather than your head.
Mindful prayer allows us to give up our fears, anger, sadness, doubt and limitations to our higher power. Faith allows us to relinquish our need for control. When things are going well, a personal relationship with a power greater than ourselves enables us to see the beauty in the smallest of happenings – an eagle flying overhead, a sunrise, a child’s smile.  Progress results from persistence with purpose. And purpose comes from belief in a higher power. To be successful in this world, it is necessary to accept it as it is and to rise above it.
To sum up, resiliency is a trait to work towards, to strive for. It is at the pinnacle of effective traits if you want to create a rich, meaningful life. Resiliency is comprised of a number of traits – a sense of humor, spirituality, altruism, suppression, anticipation, and the ability to make meaning out of adversity. Resiliency also entails an attitude of lifelong learning, realistic optimism and looking at trying events as challenging rather than threatening.
All my best,
Dr. John
Guide To Self
(925) 944-3440
"If you will call your troubles experiences, and remember that every experience develops some latent force within you, you will grow vigorous and happy, however adverse your circumstances may seem to be."
— John R. Miller

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Meditation and deep breathing can change your brain

Meditate on This: Buddhist Tradition Thickens Parts of the Brain
LiveScience StaffLiveScience.comFri Nov 11,12:00 PM ET
Meditation alters brain patterns in ways that are likely permanent, scientists have known. But a new study shows key parts of the brain actually get thicker through the practice.
Brain imaging of regular working folks who meditate regularly revealed increased thickness in cortical regions related to sensory, auditory and visual perception, as well as internal perception -- the automatic monitoring of heart rate or breathing, for example.
The study also indicates that regular meditation may slow age-related thinning of the frontal cortex.
"What is most fascinating to me is the suggestion that meditation practice can change anyone's gray matter," said study team member Jeremy Gray, an assistant professor of psychology at Yale. "The study participants were people with jobs and families. They just meditated on average 40 minutes each day, you don't have to be a monk."
The research was led by Sara Lazar, assistant in psychology at Massachusetts General Hospital. It is detailed in the November issue of the journal NeuroReport.
The study involved a small number of people, just 20. All had extensive training in Buddhist Insight meditation. But the researchers say the results are significant.
Most of the brain regions identified to be changed through meditation were found in the right hemisphere, which is essential for sustaining attention. And attention is the focus of the meditation.
Other forms of yoga and meditation likely have a similar impact on brain structure, the researchers speculate, but each tradition probably has a slightly different pattern of cortical thickening based on the specific mental exercises involved.
Copyright © 2005

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Hallmark of a Thriving Life - 3 Times the Happiness

A leader in the positive psychology movement, Barbara Fredricksen, at the University of Michigan, came out with a study in the October 2005 issue of American Psychologist. The study presents compelling evidence that the marker of a thriving, flourishing life can be reduced to a number: 2.9.

The number is a ratio of the amount of time spent in positive emotion compared to negative emotion. So the thriving individual will be happy roughly three times as often as sad, angry or fearful. Guide To Self radio show aired on 11-2-05 on KDIA, 1640 AM San Francisco Bay Area. Hosted by Dr. John Schinnerer.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Dr. Daniel Amen, author of 'Making a Good Brain Great'

How does your brain affect your relationships?

Relationship to God?

Perception of reality?

How can you make your brain great?

Listen along as Dr. John Schinnerer interviews Dr. Daniel Amen, psychiatrist, brain scan specialist, CEO of the Amen Clinics and author of 19 books. Guide To Self radio show aired on 11-1-05 on KDIA, 1640 AM San Francisco Bay Area.

Being a wimp often works fairly well in the short run because you don’t risk upsetting anyone. You just let others have their way.

However, in the long run, your anger and disappointment get buried deep inside you. As you try to stuff more and more anger inside your emotional gas tank, the tank eventually overflows resulting in irritation, outbursts of rage and passive aggressive behavior. You get angry at the wrong people, people who don’t deserve your wrath. These repressed emotions also lead to physical symptoms such as headaches, stomachaches, high blood pressure, stroke, and heart attacks.

Wimpiness is BAD for you and destructive to your health and happiness. If you want a life of meaning and happiness, you must learn to be appropriately assertive!

Learn how in this entertaining and informative Guide To Self show from October of 2005. Hosted by Dr. John Schinnerer.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

This is an interview that I did recently with Dan Millman, the former world champion gymnast, martial arts expert, coach of the U.C. Berkeley gymnastics team and author of 12 books. Dan began by writing Way of the Peaceful Warrior back in 1980. He just finished the long-awaited prequel, 'Journeys of Socrates.' He also wrote 'Body, Mind Mastery' which Phil Jackson called a 'must-read' for his Chicago Bulls players back in the day. Guide To Self radio show aired on 11-8-05 on KDIA, 1640 AM San Francisco Bay Area.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Nailing Your Next Job Interview

Here are some tips for nailing your job interview. I'll be speaking with Dean today on the air at 5 pm on 1640 am.

Preparing for the Job Interview
By Dean Tracy - Dean Tracy Jobs
November 9, 2005
“Guide to Self” – KDIA 1640AM

1) Get the Interview

a. Networking
b. Don’t be afraid to make calls to the Recruiter or Hiring Manager
c. Use LinkedIn and other online resources to find contact people

2) Ways to do Really Well in the Interview

a. Have a Strategy for Success
· Research “you” or “yourself”
1. Know your resume and what they might want to talk about
2. Have all dates / times / jobs accounted
· Have answers for a list of questions that you expect them to ask
1. Example….”Can you explain a weakness that you have?” – Nobody is perfect and yes, YOU have weaknesses…An example is to share your heads-down work ethic and how you often tend to work until the job gets done, BUT you are working on learning how to better prioritize your tasks in order to minimize the pressure that you are placing on yourself.
a. This example demonstrates a GOOD problem (hard worker) and also identifies Action and Solution (PAR = Problem, Action, Result) that you have identified and are working on.
· Have a list of questions that you want to ask them (sometimes the questions you ask are more impressive than your previous answers to their questions)
1. What are some of your biggest pain-points in this role today? (Allows you an opportunity to address how YOU would impact the company in fixing these problems.)
2. What is your expectation of the person that is hired to fill this role? (Allows the hiring manager to address their goals for the job.)
b. Research the company and know why you want to work there
· Excited about the opportunity (not the “job”)
· Understand their “Great Products and Services”
· Understand their “Corporate Culture”
· Review recent Press Releases
· Review their web site

3) Prepare Emotionally

a. You are under evaluation from the time you pull into the parking lot until you leave the interview. The Receptionist is often one of the first people that gets asked how you behaved while waiting for the Hiring Manager to come out.
b. Be prepared with extra resumes, clean note pads, fresh pen in hand with a back-up pen in your bag
c. Get a good night sleep – Show up rested and ready
d. Listen to relaxing music on the drive over – Some people like hard aggressive music to “get them going”
e. Bring your own bottled water to drink - Don’t waste “selling” time by getting a drink
f. Be early to the interview and watch the traffic that comes / goes from the office. You can learn tons about the company by observing from the lobby or reception area.
g. Monitor your Body Language - Every movement you make is a signal
h. Bring work samples that are appropriate for the right job
i. Expect to be kept waiting – They may be testing your patience level.
4) Meet, at least the minimum requirements for the job before calling in for an introduction or potential interview
5) Communicate clearly
a. Demonstrate how your experience – proven results/benefits are needed for the company and position.
b. You MUST have a “Strong Value Proposition”
6) Build rapport with the hiring Manager and people that get you in front of him/her
7) Get feedback

Three Phases to an Interview

A. Opening
· Finding pieces to the puzzle.
B. Ask questions about the role.
B. What are the most important skills required for success in this role
· What are the Challenges in this department or role today?
· What are the company goals and objectives?
C. Middle
· Identify your experience to the benefits that you can offer to the job requirements
D. Closing
· Ask, “How do you think my skills and background fit the position requirements?”
· Ask, “What concerns do you have about my background as they relate to my qualifying for this role?”
· Ask, “What are the next steps in moving forward? Is it OK to contact you in 10 days if I don’t hear from you first?”

Knock 'em dead!

Dr. John
Guide To Self
Guide To Self(C) 2005.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

How Best to Help Bullies


Bullying is aggressive behavior that is intended to cause harm or distress, occurs repeatedly over time, and occurs in a relationship in which there is an imbalance of power or strength.

How do you best deal with bullies?

I talked last week on Guide To Self radio ( about the fact that bullies carry around a tremendous amount of anger, fear and sadness. They have a difficult time finding ways to get rid of their anger and fear. We need to give them tips and emotional tools to help them respond appropriately to negative emotions – how to recognize them and how to get rid of them.

Work on identifying what the bullying student does well, rather than what they do wrong. Parents and teachers can help increase their children's self-esteem by encouraging positive interactions with others. Look for small signs of improvement. Compliment small signs of improvement. This is really difficult for us as adults to train ourselves to do – to look for, find and complement small signs of improvement in behavior. Children don’t go from abusive to compassionate in a week. It takes time to unlearn old behaviors, to control impulses, to figure out there are better ways to solve problems, to learn how their behavior affects others, and so on. It’s a process and we need to look for signs of better behavior along the way to encourage their progress.

For example, some bullies may be ADHD and have trouble controlling their impulses. As a result they lash out before they can think about the consequences. So some may need medication to help them stop, think, and decide.

Some bullies simply cannot feel what other people feel. Their empathy is broken. so when they cause pain in someone else, they don’t feel the pain and hurt themselves. Their mirror neurons (specific brain cells) in the brain don’t work properly.

If you are dealing with a child who is quick to hit or bite, you’ll want to notice when they get angry and DON’T hit or bite. Then compliment them on their newly developed restraint. “Gee Sarah, that was great, you got angry at Bobby but you didn’t bite him. Nice job controlling yourself.”

Most experts recommend that parents of children who bully seek help from their child's school counselor and pediatrician. These professionals can help evaluate your child's behavior and make a referral to a child and adolescent psychiatrist, a psychologist, or a licensed counselor who can work with your child.

Helping Your Child Stop Bullying

Although certainly not all bullying stems from family problems, it's a good idea to examine the behavior and personal interactions your child witnesses at home. If your child lives with taunting or name-calling from a sibling or from you or another parent, it could be prompting aggressive or hurtful behavior outside the home. What may seem like innocent teasing at home may actually model bullying behaviors. Children who are on the receiving end of it learn that bullying can translate into control over children they perceive as weak. Whenever I dealt with a bully in the school system, my first question to the parents was “Does your child see physical conflict at home?” Typically, violent behavior is modeled at home for the child by the parents. This gives the child a positive view of violence as a way to solve problems. It also gives them a limited number of tools to deal with anger and fear.

If Your Child Is the Bully

It can come as a shock to learn that your child is the bully. You can express your deep disappointment to your child. This is typically more powerful than showing him anger. Try to remain calm. Losing your temper can make a bad situation worse. You may have a greater impact if you express disappointment - not anger - to your child.

Because bullying often stems from unhappiness or insecurity, try to find out what is bothering your child. Children who bully aren't likely to confess to their behavior, but you'll need to try to get your child to talk by asking some specific, hard-hitting questions, such as:

· How do you feel about yourself?
· How are things going at school? At home?
· Are you being bullied by someone?
· How well do you get along with other kids at school?
· How do you treat the other students?
· How does it make you feel that other people think of you as a bully?
· Why do you think you're bullying other students?
· How can I help you to stop bullying?

To get to the bottom of why your child is hurting others, you may also want to schedule an appointment to talk to your child's school counselor or another mental health professional. Ask your pediatrician for a referral.

If you have an inkling or the slightest suspicion that your child is a bully, it's critical that you address the problem. After all, bullying is violence, and it often leads to more antisocial and violent behavior as the bully grows up. In fact, as many as 6 out of 10 elementary school bullies have a criminal record by the time they're 24.

So what can you do to help a bullying child?

Use the following suggestions to help turn around their child's behavior.

· Talk to your child about the importance of understanding the feelings of others (empathy). Ask your child how he or she would feel as the target of bullying. Teach your child to put him- or herself in the other person’s shoes. Teach your child to embrace, not ridicule, the ways in which we are different (i.e., race, religion, appearance, special needs, gender, economic status). Explain that everyone has rights and feelings. Have them write a paper or research another ethnicity or religion if you find them bullying someone who is different from them.

Supervise your child's activities. As we know from research, parental involvement is declining at a rapid pace. If we want to fix the problem of societal violence, we need to spend more time with our children. Show interest in their lives. Listen to what they have to say.

If your child is not already involved in sports or community activities, encourage your child to participate in after school activities and sports. These can help boost self-esteem in many cases.

Encourage your child to hang out with children you know to be good role models.

Another point - constant teasing – either at home or at school – will negatively affect a child's self-esteem. Children with low self-esteem can grow to feel emotionally insecure. They can also end up blaming others for their own shortcomings. Making others feel bad (bullying) can give them a sense of power.

The flipside of this is praising your children for everything – overpraising them – can be detrimental as well. Praise is something to be earned due to effort or accomplishment. Train yourself to praise appropriately. Just as some of us apologize too much – for things that we have no control over or involvement in – we also may compliment too much. This can lead to an inflated sense of self in the child which has been related to bullying.

The goal is to find the balancing point where you give your child sincere and genuine compliments based on their performance or efforts.

Next, when they DO misbehave, focus on the behavior, NOT the child. Naturally, there will be times that warrant constructive criticism. For example, "I counted on you to take out the trash. Because you forgot, we'll all have to put up with that foul smell in the garage for the week." Be very careful to watch HOW you talk to you kids! Don’t criticize the person. Criticize the behavior. There’s a big difference between "You are so spoiled and lazy. I bet you just pretend to forget your chores, so you don't have to get your hands dirty." And “I am disappointed that you didn’t take the trash out. Now we’ll have to live with that stench for a week. I need you to take out the trash when I tell you.”

One approach attacks the whole being of the person. The other approach focuses on the behavior you want to change.

To remember this critical point, just remember that you don’t want to say “I don’t like YOU” rather you want to say “I don’t like your bad behavior.” This is a highly important difference in language that spells the difference between guilt and shame. Guilt is tolerable and can lead to constructive, positive actions. Shame stems from the belief that you, as a person, are bad. It’s okay for your children to feel guilty. You don’t want them to feel ashamed.

Emphasize that bullying is a serious problem. Make sure your child understands you will not tolerate bullying and that bullying others will have consequences at home. For example, if your child is cyber bullying, take away the technologies he or she is using to torment others (i.e., computer, cell phone to text message or send pictures). Or instruct your child to use the Internet to research bullying and note strategies to reduce the behavior.

Other examples of discipline include restricting your child's curfew if the bullying and/or teasing occur outside of the home; taking away privileges, but allowing the opportunity to earn them back; and requiring your child to do a certain number of hours of volunteer work to help those less fortunate.

Find out if your child's friends are also bullying. If so, seek a group intervention through your child's principal, school counselor, and/or teachers.

Set limits. Stop any show of aggression immediately and help your child find nonviolent ways to react.

Catch your child being good. Look for the child interacting with others and praise appropriate behavior. Positive reinforcement is more powerful than negative discipline.

Set realistic goals give them time to change. As your child learns to modify his or her behavior, assure your child that you still love him or her - it's the aggressive behavior you don't like.

If we all work together we can make this world a less violent, more peaceful place to live. It's an important goal. Together, we can make it a reality.

All my love,

Dr. John
Guide To Self
Guide To Self is on every Monday through Friday at 5:00 pm on 1640 AM in the San Francisco Bay Area. Past shows are available on the website -

Guide To Self(C) 2005. All rights reserved.