Guide To Self: The Beginner's Guide To Positive Psychology - John Schinnerer PhD

How to Encourage Greater Creativity

2006-11-07T10:27:00.000-08:00

My apologies for the delay in posting. Things have been crazy at this end. My wife and I have found children ranging in age from 11 to 10 months. Lately the baby has been having some frightening health issues but I think she'll be fine in the long run.

Also, I've been coaching my 9 year old's soccer team this year. And the team has been simply awesome. They are undefeated after 10 games in the Mustang Soccer league which is highly competitive. And we have not even focused on trying to win. We focus on playing to our potential and putting forth best effort. Before each game, I do a simple sports psychology technique to put them in the 'zone' called the Circle of Power. And they go out and tear it up. That's been a blast.

However, my topic today is creativity and ways that you can encourage your own creativity.

It seems that most geniuses and great artists throughout the past have all had muses. Da Vinci, Picasso, Van Gogh, John Lennon - many of the greats had partners which inspired their creativity. Just like a peacock, men use creative expressions of music, art, poetry, writing and other areas to attract partners.

Psychologists at Arizona State University recently discovered that men - but not women - were significantly more creative and inspired afer picturing a beautiful woman (or a hot date). On the other hand, women were inspired when they imagined the perfect long-term mate. The difference here is one of time. Men were inspired by imagining a short-term, highly attractive date. Women were inspired by imagining a long-term, attractive, emotionally intelligent partner.

Surprisingly, picturing these attractive individuals worked better to spark creativity than did the offer of money to create.

So, it seems that the simple act of thinking about mating, mates and dates turns up those creative juices. Imagine that!

Dr. John Schinnerer
Author, Psychologist, Founder, and Coach
Guide To Self: The Beginner's Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought

Copyright 2005-2006. Dr. John Schinnerer and Guide To Self, Inc. All rights reserved

Guide To Self:The Beginner's Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought by Dr. John Schinnerer

2006-10-15T19:37:00.001-07:00

Guide To Self:The Beginner's Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought
By Dr. John Schinnerer

**FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE**

EDITORS: For review copies or interview requests, contact:
Promotional Services Department
Tel: 925-944-3440

Email: pressreleases@authorhouse.com
(When requesting a review copy, please provide a street address.)

Guide to Self: Psychologist Shows Readers How to Manage Emotions, Thoughts in New Book

ALAMO, Calif. – Emotions are the foundation of everything people say, think and do, says John L. Schinnerer, Ph.D., author of the new book, Guide to Self: The Beginner’s Guide to Managing Emotion and Thought (now available through AuthorHouse). In his book, Schinnerer helps readers find greater success and happiness at home and at work through awareness and management of their emotional landscape.

Despite the fact that emotions can vary greatly from person to person, Schinnerer discovered that emotional states can be managed by raising awareness of the current emotions, underlying mood and biological temperament. “Most people are born and die with the exact same temperament because they don’t realize that they have the power to change it to their liking,” he says.

Schinnerer explains to readers how they can change their emotions for the better, supported by peer-reviewed scientific research from top universities throughout the world, he says. Within the science, Schinnerer also incorporates spirituality and ethical awareness into his methods. “There is a growing awareness that spirituality is integral to a person’s well-being,” he says. “A full 85 - 95 percent of Americans believe that spiritual faith and religious beliefs are closely tied to their emotional and mental health, and they’re right!”

With a holistic approach to thoughts, emotions and spirituality, Schinnerer’s step-by-step guide helps readers manage thoughts and feelings to realize their potential, resulting in less suffering and more happiness, he says. “You are far more powerful than you ever dared to dream. You can have a profound impact on your emotions, your thoughts and your happiness,” says Schinnerer.

Schinnerer holds a doctorate in psychology from the University of California at Berkeley and has 12 years of experience in research and practice. He is the founder of Infinet Assessment, a psychological testing company that uses new methodology to evaluate emotional IQ, traditional IQ, ethics, personality traits and knowledge for success in the workplace. Schinnerer is also the president of Guide to Self, a company dedicated to coaching executives and managers on the best practices for emotional management, the single best predictor of success for white collar jobs. He hosted “Guide to Self Radio” in the San Francisco Bay Area for a year, airing more than 200 shows. Guide to Self is Schinnerer’s first book. More information can be found at www.guidetoself.com.

AuthorHouse is the premier publishing house for emerging authors and new voices in literature. For more information, please visit www.authorhouse.com.

###

Dr. John Schinnerer, Guide To Self, Inc. copyright 2005-2006.All rights reserved

A kind, caring and supportive family environment can actually turn off depression

2006-10-13T11:15:00.000-07:00

Recent research from Shelley Taylor at UCLA shows that a kind, caring and supportive family environment can actually turn off a gene linked to depression.

Source: University of California - Los Angeles

Date: October 13, 2006

Early Family Experience Can Reverse The Effects Of Genes, Psychologists Report

Early family experience can reverse the effect of a genetic variant linked to depression, UCLA researchers report in the current issue of the journal Biological Psychiatry.

Among children from supportive, nurturing families, those with the short form of the serotonin transporter gene (known as 5-HTTLPR) had a significantly reduced risk for depression, found the UCLA team, under the direction of Shelley E. Taylor, UCLA distinguished professor of psychology and an expert in the field of stress and health. The research team also found that among children from emotionally cold, unsupportive homes marked by conflict and anger, those with the short form of the 5-HTTLPR gene were at greater risk for depression, as some previous research has also shown.

The 118 young adult men and women who participated in the study completed assessments of depression, early family environment and current stress. They were asked, for example, how often they had been loved and cared for, shown physical affection or insulted and sworn at by their families. Saliva samples were used to determine if the participants' standing on the 5-HTTLPR had two short alleles (s/s), a short and a long allele (s/l) or two long alleles (l/l) for the serotonin transporter gene. (An allele is any of several forms of a gene.)

The research showed that a person's likelihood of developing symptoms of depression was not predicted by the particular combination of alleles alone; rather, it was the combination of the person's environment and genetic variant s/s that determined whether the person experienced symptoms of depression, said Taylor, principal investigator on the study.
Among the study's implications is that the short form of the 5-HTTLPR is "highly responsive to environmental influence" and, rather than predicting risk for depression, its effects vary substantially, depending on how supportive the external environment is, Taylor said.

These conclusions were bolstered by parallel evidence collected by the team showing that a supportive environment reduced the risk of depression among those with the s/s form of the 5-HTTLPR gene, while those experiencing a great deal of stress in their lives had an increased risk of depressive symptoms if they had the s/s variant of the gene. "Genes are not destiny," Taylor said. "Although some genes confer particular risks, others, such as variants of the 5-HTTLPR, are clearly highly responsive to input from the early and current environment. That means, among other conclusions, that there is an important role that parents and even friends can play in providing protection against the risk of depression that stress can confer." The study adds a new component to evidence that the environment can regulate biology and steer the effects of genetic predispositions.

"It indicates just how important a loving and caring family can be," said Baldwin Way, a co-investigator on the project. The other members of the research team, from UCLA's department of psychology and department of psychiatry and biobehavioral sciences, are William Welch, Clayton Hilmert, Barbara Lehman and Naomi Eisenberger.

Taylor was honored Oct. 7 with the inaugural Clifton Strengths Prize, which recognizes the life and work of Donald O. Clifton, past chairman of The Gallup Organization. The prize, which will be presented every two years, recognizes groundbreaking theory, research and practice in "strengths-based psychology." Clifton's philosophy was for people to focus on what was positive and right with themselves and to build on their strengths to achieve their full potential, Gallup said. Taylor's research showing how a supportive environment reverses the impact of a genetic risk factor is an example of the work for which she was honored.

The research published in Biological Psychiatry was federally funded by the National Institute of Mental Health, and the National Science Foundation, with additional funding from and UCLA's Center for Psychoneuroimmunology.

In previous research, Taylor and UCLA colleagues, including psychology professor Rena Repetti, reported strong evidence that children who grow up in risky families often suffer lifelong health problems, including cancer, heart disease, hypertension, diabetes, obesity, depression and anxiety disorders, as well as early death (Psychological Bulletin, March 2002, Vol. 128, No. 2, pp. 330--366). A child's genetic predispositions may be exacerbated by the family environment, and this combination can lead to the faster development of health problems in risky families, which may be more debilitating than they would be in a more nurturing family, the researchers found.

Guide To Self(C) 2005-2006.

Natural Supplements to Improve Your Mood and Make Your Life Happier!

2006-09-29T10:26:00.000-07:00

Hey! Dr. John Schinnerer here! I am a U.C. Berkeley-trained psychologist. Having done some research into supplements and mood, I thought I’d contribute to the conversation. To begin with, here are the ground rules of natural supplements which affect the brain.

First, these recommendations are only for those who are interested in living a longer and happier life, those of you who want to maintain a healthy brain throughout your life based on the latest in scientific research.

The best approach to getting the nutrients to your brain depends upon the ability to combine a healthy approach to life with the right combination of nutrients in the correct dosages. Our brain requires a lot of supplements in small dosages as opposed to one supplement in a large dose. This fact is demonstrated by Ray Kurzweil, co-author of the Fantastic Voyage: Live Long Enough to Live Forever, who takes 250 supplements per day. In contrast, I take 30 supplements per day. I am still playing catch up to Ray’s knowledge base.

Second, each nutrient has an ideal dosage for you. If you take too much, it may result in negative side effect. Be careful when taking two or more supplements together as their effects might be cumulative and build upon one another.

Third, you want to start with a low dose and slowly increase it over time – days or weeks – to avoid side effects.

Fourth, most of the supplements are best taken in the morning.

Fifth, don’t assume that all supplements available on the pharmacy shelf are effective or safe. What I’m sharing with you is the latest info on supplements as of today. This knowledge base is likely to change down the road.

Finally, always talk to your doctor prior starting any routine that involves supplements.

Please understand that there is still a great deal that we don’t know about the brain and its nutritional requirements. The brain is one of the last frontiers to be explored and understood by humankind. You need to decide for yourself which supplements are right for you.

So, without further ado, here are a few of the latest, scientifically proven ways to safeguard your brain and create a happier mood.

5-HTP

Low levels of serotonin (a chemical in the brain) are related to obsessive thoughts, compulsive behaviors, interrupted sleep, aggressiveness, moodiness, overfocusing and rigid thinking. 5-HTP helps sleep, improves your mood, and decreases irritability by increasing the serotonin levels in the brain. A number of double blind studies have shown 5-HTP to be as effective as antidepressant medication when treating depression.

Recommended dose: 50 to 300 milligrams per day. 5-HTP taken on an empty stomach will improve absorption. A possible side effect of 5-HTP is an upset stomach. To reduce this possibility, start with the minimum dose (50 mg) and slowly work your way up to the desired dose over a 1 to 2 week period.

The serotonin pathway is as follows: Tryptophan  5-HTP  Serotonin  N-acetyl-serotonin  Melatonin. Both 5-HTP and L-tryptophan are available as nutritional supplements. However, 5-HTP is more readily absorbed into the brain than L-tryptophan. Seventy percent of 5-HTP penetrates the blood-brain barrier while only 3% of L-tryptophan is absorbed into the brain.

Aspirin Therapy Improves Arteries and Keeps the Communication Lines Open to the Brain

As I have touched on before, the health and functioning of your brain is directly related to the health of your arteries and your heart and the quality of your blood. This is a relationship that surprised Cliff, the producer of my radio show, (Guide To Self Radio) whom I dearly love, and who scared all of us recently when he had a minor heart attack a few weeks ago. Fortunately, he is fine and getting stronger each day – Thank you, Lord.

One step you can take to prevent heart attack, keep your blood thin, prevent inflammation of the arteries, and sustain the flow of blood and oxygen to your brain is aspirin therapy. Aspirin helps your blood from clotting. It may also help the body create more blood vessels so that when clots do form, there are alternate routes, around the clot, that the blood can use to get to its many destinations. Among other things, Cliff is now taking aspirin daily. On top of the heart-related benefits, aspirin reduces your likelihood of dementia and Alzheimer’s. We think it’s because it help keep the arteries young and healthy. However, do NOT take Advil, or ibuprofen, together with aspirin as they cancel each other out.

For those of you over 40 years of age, I strongly urge you to look at the possibility of taking 162 mg of aspirin each. It’s recommended that you drink ½ glass of water before and after taking the aspirin to reduce wear and tear on the stomach lining. According to “You: The Owner’s Manual”, aspirin therapy has a long-term effect of making you the equivalent of 2.3 years younger when your 55.

My mom stays in good physical health and keeps her brain in great shape. She is very mentally active and one of the smartest people I know. About ten years ago, my mom was up at our family cabin in Tahoe by herself where had a mini-stroke several years ago and I can tell you that is a scary occurrence when the brain wiring goes haywire in a loved one. As her left side quickly became paralyzed, she pulled herself over to the phone to call 911. However, her face on her left side was growing paralyzed as well, making it difficult to speak and be understood. Fortunately, the dispatcher understood enough to get her assistance and she was rushed to the hospital. She recovered fully from the mini-stroke, but it provides a stark reminder of our need to take excellent care of ourselves so as to reduce our risk of strokes, which are caused by blockages in the tiny arteries or by a blood vessel bursting in the brain.

Vitamin E to Stave Off Alzheimer’s

Vitamin E has been shown in some studies to help fight off Alzheimer’s. In one study, people who ate more than 23 IU (international units) of vitamin E had a 43% reduction in their risk of Alzheimer’s. In addition, ask your doctor about taking 400 international units (IU) to 1,000 IU of vitamin E daily for extra brain protection.

Understand that there is an elaborate link between the brain and the body. Chemical messengers that help the brain cells “talk” to one another are called neurotransmitters. They are like the postal service of the brain. They carry messages between brain cells.

While we’re on the topic of Alzheimer’s, I want to point out that your risk of Alzheimer’s increases by 30% for each hour of TV that you watch daily. While watching TV doesn’t cause Alzheimer’s, it does represent an inactive or sedentary lifestyle which contributes to the disease. Staying mentally and physically active will enhance the health of your brain as well as help prevent age-related diseases.

Get Your Omega-3 Fatty Acids for Better Health

Ever since 1945, the rates of depression have increased worldwide and the age of onset is moving downward – younger people are affected by it. This was noted by Dr. Gerald Klerman who found that each generation of individuals born since WWII appears to have a higher incidence and earlier age of onset of major depression and bipolar disorder. There are many theories for this. However, one of them points to the increase in our diets of sources of omega-6 oils (e.g. from corn and soy) and a decrease in Omega-3 fats. (Not proven).

Rates of depression have been found to be much lower in countries that eat a great deal of fish. In fact, the relationship is so strong, the rates of depression can actually be predicted based on per capita fish consumption!

Why? When a neurotransmitter binds to a receptor (in the brain) the receptor sets in motion within the cell a series of chemical processes known as signal transduction, amplifying the original signal. Mood stabilizers inhibit or dampen that amplification. It’s similar to building a dam across a raging river which quiets the downstream waters.

One of the most studied nutrient, is the Omega-3 fatty acids. About 60% of the brain is made up of fats (lipids) that make up the lining of every brain cell. Omega-3s are required by the brain to an extraordinary degree. They cannot be produced by our bodies but must be ingested via diet or pills. They are found in large, fatty, cold water fish, many types of nuts such as walnuts, flaxseed oil, olive oil, and canola oil.

Omega-3s help turn down the ‘volume’ of communications between brain cells (similar to the action of a mood stabilizer). Documented benefits of Omega-3 oils include improved mood, clearer thinking, more serenity, better concentration and focus, and better vision. While still under exploration, it is believed that omega-3s can help combat normal age-related deterioration of the brain, depression, anxiety, heart disease, and addictions. It’s been linked to pain relief, cancer prevention, lower blood pressure, and reduced asthma risk.

Many Americans only get as little as 200 mg per day of fish oils while Eskimos or Japanese people go as high as 10,000 mg per day due to their fish intake. The recommended daily dose is 2 to 5 g daily of a combination of the 2 key fatty acids in Omega 3s - EPA and DHA. Take 1-2 g with each meal. Little extra benefit has been found at dosages over 5 grams per day. Don’t worry too much about the particular break down or combination of amounts of EPA vs. that of DHA. Any combination of the two is fine. Future research may indicate that DHA is more beneficial, but we have not found that out yet, and supplements that contain DHA, by itself, tend to be more expensive.

Now, some people don’t like the fishy aftertaste you get from the fish oil supplements, so they take flaxseed oil instead. However, there is an important difference between fish oil and flaxseed oil. Fish oil contains the preformed omega-3 fatty acids, EPA and DHA. Flaxseed oil, on the other hand, has ALA, or alpha-linolenic acid, which is the precursor to omega-3 fatty acids that are in fish. Our bodies can convert ALA to EPA and DHA but the amount converted is minimal. So while flaxseed oil is good for you and thought to be heart healthy, it’s not a true substitute for fish oils.

The only 2 ways to bump up your daily fish oil intake is to eat fish or take fish oil supplements. As fish oil appears to substantially reduce the levels of triglycerides (dangerous blood fats) in your blood as well as get the necessary amounts of EPA and DHA. Fish oil at a daily dose of 2 – 5 grams has been shown to reduce triglyceride levels by 20 – 50%. So research suggests that fish oil is helpful to your heart as well as your brain, cutting your risk of heart disease. I can’t say enough about fish oil – it appears to lower the heart rate, fights arterial inflammation, reduce blood clot formation, and slows the buildup of plaque in arteries which leads to blockages, heart attacks, and strokes.

I personally take 4,000 mg per day of fish oil supplements and 2,000 mg per day of flaxseed oil.

One word of caution is that fish oil supplements of more than 3 g per day can thin the blood. When combined with blood thinners such as aspirin, ibuprofen, naproxen, Vitamin E, ginkgo, garlic, phosphatidylserine (or PS), and prescription blood thinners, it could increase the risk of too much bleeding.

Be careful where you get your fish oil supplements. Make sure they screen out the mercury, a known neurotoxin, which means it kills brain cells. When eating fish, you may want to be aware of which fish are more likely to contain high levels of mercury. You can get the latest information on healthy fish at www.seafoodwatch.org.
A difference should be noticeable after approximately 3 weeks.

Recommended daily dose: 3 to 4 grams daily. Take an antioxidant with your fish oil to clean up any left over free radicals. Take 1 gram with each meal. Fish oils are one of the most critical components of optimizing your brain.

Choline for More Memory

Some of us are concerned about declines in memory. Personally, I know that my memory can never be strong enough. Research has shown that the level of phosphatidylcholine (PC) declines in the brain as we age. Choline helps form PC. Choline is found in eggs, fish, nuts, meats and vegetables.

Most people get roughly 300 to 900 mg per day from their diet. If you have a normal diet with adequate representation from all the food groups, you probably do not need a choline supplement.

Recommended daily dose: You should be getting enough from your diet. If you’re not getting enough, or if you want to try a supplement, 250 mg per day is a good dose to start at. You can work your way up to 500 mg with a goal to increase mental clarity and memory. Potential side effects include gastrointestinal distress, nausea, sweating and loss of appetite.

That should give you a few choices of supplements with which to begin. Remember, start with one supplement at a low dosage and build up to the desired dosage slowly. I have tried all of these supplements personally and found them helpful. Let me know if you find them helpful as well! All the best in health and happiness!
Warmest regards,

Dr. John Schinnerer
Guide To Self, Inc. – Positive Psychology Life Coaching

Contact Dr. John via email at DrJohn@GuideToSelf.com

For speaking inquiries, please call (925) 944-3440.

Check out Dr. John’s new book on the latest scientifically proven ways to a happier life, Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought
Infinet Assessment – Premiere workforce testing

Guide To Self(C) 2005-2006.

My book is out! My book is out! I'm thrilled!

2006-09-03T20:02:00.000-07:00

Yes! At long last, my first book is available at http://www.authorhouse.com/BookStore/ItemDetail~bookid~38496.aspx! It's called "Guide To Self: The Beginner's Guide to Managing Emotion and Thought."
I know, it's a bit lenghty of a title. Yet the content is fascinating. Here's the thing, the illiterate of the next century will NOT be those who can't read nor write. The illiterate will soon be those who cannot harness the power of their emotion to improve their performance. This is the first step on the journey master your mind. Take a look! It will shatter your worldview.

Guide To Self(C) 2005-2006.

2006-08-29T13:45:00.000-07:00

Dr. John chats with Amy about parenting boys in this day and age where boys are often expected to act like little girls - quiet, restrained, and self-reflective. We've discussed the disservice we’ve done to our boys and men by shaming them into suppressing their feelings. After being shamed numerous times with looks of contempt and disgust, suppressing emotions becomes automatic. Once their behavior is automatic, then boys have two choices to respond to a perceived threat – silence or violence. They either get very quiet, withdraw or lash out physically.

Some boys have a terribly hard time managing their anger due to ADHD or simply to the fact that boys have more physical energy than girls.
So the question is how do you deal with this energy level particularly in the classroom? Tune in to find out.

Look for Dr. John's latest book, "Guide To Self: The Beginner's Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought" because every parent needs to be able to manage their emotions in the heat of the battle! Available 9/5/06. Check out http://www.GuideToSelf.com today!

Speaking inquiries for Dr. John should be directed to 925.944.3440.

Guide To Self is sponsored in part by Infinet Assessment, the best in employee testing. http://www.InfinetAssessment.com.

MP3 File

2006-08-29T13:33:00.001-07:00

Dr. John Schinnerer on another difference within the marvelous human brain – automatic or conscious processes. Who is really in charge - your "old" emotional brain or your "new" rational brain?

Close the gap between how you think your brain works and how it ACTUALLY works. You THINK you have free will. What if it were the case that you don’t have as much free will as you think? What if 90% of what you do and say is automatic?

A fascinating and novel approach to radio. Dr. John borrows Jim Gaffigan's method of speaking the thoughts of the audience making for humorous and helpful radio. Best ever?!

Look for Dr. John's recent book, "Guide To Self: The Beginner's Guide to Managing Emotion and Thought" available Sept. 5, 2006. More info is at http://www.guidetoself.com.

Guide To Self radio is sponsored in part by Infinet Assessment, the premier firm for employee testing. More is available at
http://www.infinetassessment.com.

Interested in booking Dr. John as a speaker? Call us at (925) 944-3440
Duration:29 minutes, 25 seconds

MP3 File

2006-08-29T13:33:00.000-07:00

2006-08-29T13:29:00.000-07:00

Dr. John uses a humorous approach to defining and deconstructing stress - a topic we are all too familiar with. Stress is a leading cause in heart difficulties, relational problems, exhaustion, physical ailments such as sciatica and much, much more.

Find out how to defuse your ticking time bomb of a temper in this enlightening and entertaining show on Guide To Self Radio.

Look for Dr. John's new book, "Guide To Self: The Beginner's Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought" coming out September 5, 2006.

The Guide To Self website is http://www.guidetoself.com. You can reach Dr. John for speaking inquiries at
925-944-3440.

Guide To Self Radio is sponsored in part by Infinet Assessment, the lion of the employment testing jungle. Check them out at www.infinetassessment.com. Tests designed to fit your unique company culture and value system.
Duration:30 minutes, 9 seconds

MP3 File

2006-08-14T14:05:00.000-07:00

Dr. John talks with Pastoral Counselor Michael Chalberg, author of Shattered People: Journeys to Love. This is one show you DO NOT want to miss – we’ll be talking multiple personality disorder (MPD or DID), ritualistic satanic abuse and the hard, hard journey to wholeness for some of these shattered and fragmented folks. Multiple personality disorder is one of the most fascinating disorders in all of psychology.

Pastor Michael Chalberg has 15 years counseling folks with MPD who survived the ritualistic abuse of Clergy and parents.

Find out what it takes to split a human mind into 66 separate, fragmented personalities - all within one human body.

Question: Does each one of the personalities have their own soul?

http://www.guidetoself.com.

Emotional IQ seminars with Dr. John are now scheduled at the Concord Hilton in California on September 12th and the 21st of 2006.

Please see http://www.guidetoself.com for more great information. Dr. John will be
presenting findings from his new book on emotional intelligence, "Guide To Self: The Beginner's Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought."

MP3 File

Do you get nervous in crowds? Social Anxiety

2006-08-07T15:29:00.000-07:00

WHAT IS SOCIAL ANXIETY?
Dr. John Schinnerer, GuideToSelf.com

Social anxiety is the third largest psychological problem in the world today but few understand this.

A young man wastes time sitting in front of the telephone, agonizing because he's afraid to make a call. He's afraid to call a stranger in a business office about the phone bill because he's afraid he'll be imposing and they’ll be mad with him.

A young lady resists going to work since a meeting is scheduled the next day. She knows that such meetings always include her co-workers discussing their current projects. The mere thought of talking in front of her peers spikes her anxiety.

Another individual would like to go to out socially--- and, in fact, he is truly
lonely---yet he never goes out because he gets unbearably nervous when meeting new people. The idea of talking to strangers scares the daylights out of him. He is certain people will stare at him and expose him as an imposter. He is afraid they will reject him and humiliate him. They'll sense his discomfort, mistake it for arrogance and dislike him. He feels he has no way to win. And so he spends the night alone again. He is in his comfort zone at home. Home is the only area in which he feels totally at ease. Home is the only place he can relax.

In public, people with social anxiety feel that everyone is scrutinizing their every move and judging them, despite the rational knowledge that this is not the case. Socially anxious people cannot relax in public. They cannot enjoy themselves when they are out. They can never truly relax when others are around. To them, it always seems like other people are negatively judging them. Regardless of their rational thoughts, they still feel extremely self-consciousness while they are in the presence of others. For many, it is nearly impossible to relax and focus on anything other than the anxiety and the fear. The anxiety is agonizing, making it easier to avoid social situations and other people completely.

Social anxiety is an extreme fear of social situations and conversing with other people which creates feelings of self-consciousness, fear of judgment, evaluation, and criticism. This often leads to feelings of inadequacy, humiliation, and depression.

If you usually become anxious in social settings, but seem fine when you are alone, then "social anxiety" may be the problem.

Social anxiety disorder (or social phobia) causes relationship problems for millions of people all over the world every day of their lives. In the United States, studies have recently shown social anxiety disorder to be the third largest psychological disorder in the country. Such anxiety affects approximately 14-15 million Americans each year. In general, social anxiety is not well understood by the mental health care field. As a result, people with social phobia are frequently misdiagnosed. Socially anxious people have been misdiagnosed as "schizophrenic", "manic-depressive", "clinically depressed", and "personality disordered" to name a few.

An example of a specific social phobia is the fear of speaking in front of groups. On the other hand, generalized social anxiety makes a person anxious, nervous, and uncomfortable in the vast majority of social situations.

People who suffer from social anxiety disorder typically experience considerable emotional distress in situations such as:

Introductions to other people

Criticism and Judgments

Being the center of attention (e.g., birthdays)

Having someone watch while doing something

Talking to people in positions of authority (e.g., doctors, Ph.D.s and police)

Social encounters, especially with strangers

Making "chit-chat" at social engagements

The physiological symptoms that are associated with social anxiety frequently include intense dread, a quickening heart rate, blushing face, dry throat and mouth, shaking, difficulty swallowing, and muscle tension. Constant, pervasive, ongoing and intense anxiety is the most common symptom.

People with social anxiety know that their anxiety does not make rational sense. We know now that each one of us has two “types” of brain – the emotional brain and the thinking brain. These account for our emotional intelligence and traditional intelligence. Therefore, knowing something is not the same is not the same as feeling it. Sometimes we have feelings that are inconsistent with our thoughts. This is frequently the case in anxious people.

They feel anxious despite their rational knowledge that there is nothing of which to be afraid.

On the positive side, cognitive-behavioral therapy for social anxiety disorder has been shown to be highly successful. Individuals with anxiety for years have flourished while in therapy. Due to successful therapy, anxious people have reported a new and improved life -- one that is nearly free of fear and anxiety.

Those who suffer from social anxiety need support, encouragement, and a relaxing environment while they work through therapy. Assuming you do enter therapy, remember that it is your time to heal. You are not putting anyone out. You should not be judged in therapy. You should be supported.

Another avenue to successfully triumphing over anxiety is a behavioral therapy group solely for those with social phobia. This is necessary. If there is no social phobia therapy group offered, you may want to seek therapy somewhere else. A behavioral therapy group is essential to your ultimate success. Please realize that this does not mean a “support group.” Support groups frequently lead to a worsening of anxiety symptoms.

In addition, the anxiety group should be focused solely on socially anxiety. It
should not be a mixed anxiety group. Although anxiety is similar across anxiety disorders, social phobia sufferers need specific, customized activities run by a specialist in this area. A social phobia behavioral therapy group should only be for those with social anxiety.

While it is not easy to overcome social anxiety, it can be done. I have done it myself. I suffered from social anxiety while I was a Ph.D. candidate in educational psychology at U.C. Berkeley. I felt like an impostor. Being around my professors made me break a sweat. My brain froze when put on the spot.

While it may feel hopeless when you are smack dab in the middle of the problem, keep in mind that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It may feel as if you’ll never get better. However, your anxiety can be overcome with the help of a skilled therapist.

The key components to vanquishing social anxiety are:

1. A knowledge and awareness of the situation,

2. A vow to carry through with therapy even when it provokes your anxiety,

3. Practice changing the “tapes” in your head so that your inner voices
become positive and automatic.

4. Sharing in a social anxiety therapy group in which you can work on anxiety-provoking situations at your own pace. In other words, the individual who feels nervous while speaking in public uses certain strategies to meet his or her goals, whereas the person who wants to learn how to make anxiety free small talk at parties slowly works toward his or her goals. The means by which this is done includes role-playing, acting, using a tape recorder and video camera, question and answer periods, and purposefully doing foolish acts as part of a behavioral therapy group focused on social anxiety.

Don’t give up. A better life is waiting for you. If you are motivated to end your lifetime of anxiety, then cognitive-behavioral therapy has the methods, techniques, and strategies to alleviate your anxiety and make the world a much more relaxing place.

Many of us have suffered through the life-altering fears and pervasive anxiety that social anxiety causes and have come out healthier and happier on the other side. You can too. Seek out a professional therapist today for a happier, more fulfilling life.

Respectfully,

Dr. John Schinnerer
DrJohn@GuideToSelf.com
GuideToSelf.com

Guide To Self(C) All rights reserved 2005-2006.

2006-07-18T10:05:00.000-07:00

Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Anger
(But Were Too Pissed Off to Ask!)

We know there are four types of anger - anger at self, anger at
others, disappointment (anger and sadness), and constructive anger -
but HOW do we deal effectively with anger?

Join Dr. John for the latest info on anger management, tips and tricks
to manage your inner beast!

For more info on Dr. John Schinnerer and presentation availability, go
to http://www.guidetoself.com or call
(925) 944-3440.

Look for Dr. John Schinnerer's new book coming soon. "Guide To Self:
The Beginner's Guide to Managing Emotion and Thought." Available
September 2006 at www.guidetoself.com.
Duration:27 minutes, 43 seconds

MP3 File

2006-07-13T12:23:00.000-07:00

Dr. John Schinnerer speaks with Dan Millman, former world champion gymnast, martial arts expert, coach of the U.C. Berkeley gymnastics team and author of 12 books.

Dan began by writing Way of the Peaceful Warrior back in 1980. The Peaceful Warrior is just now being released as a movie starring Nick Nolte.

Dan just finished the long-awaited prequel, 'Journeys of Socrates.' Dan also wrote a tremendous book called 'Body, Mind Mastery' which Phil Jackson called a 'must-read' for his Chicago Bulls players back in the day.

Guide To Self radio airs on KDIA, 1640 AM in the San Francisco Bay Area. More info on Guide to Self and Dr. John Schinnerer is available at http://www.guidetoself.com. (925) 944-3440.

MP3 File

Damaging core beliefs and how to replace them

2006-07-06T09:38:00.000-07:00

Changing Destructive Core Beliefs About Yourself
Dr. John Schinnerer
Coach and counselor

Coaching is a means to assist individuals in identifying their core values and using those values to set long-term goals. Each long-term goal is broken up into smaller, achievable tasks. In this manner, I can assure the eventual success of my clients by continuing to break down larger, more imposing challenges into smaller and smaller acts. Coaching is a major asset for reprogramming the mental tapes, or thoughts, that run through your head. Oftentimes, these thoughts are so quick you aren’t even consciously aware of them. Most times, these thoughts are negative and cause a negative reaction in our body. Ninety-nine percent of the time thoughts are laced with emotion. Negative thoughts lead to negative emotions (i.e., sadness, anger, and fear primarily). Positive thoughts lead to positive emotions (i.e., happiness, contentment and relaxation). Coaching helps you to reprogram your old tapes and their accompanying feelings so you can feed your brain healthy messages and increase the amount of time you spend in positive emotions. Recent research has shown that the goal for a thriving life is 3 times as much positive emotion as negative emotion.

Change Your Negative Habits

Did you know that by changing your brain, you can change your life? You can. The brain relies on pathways between brain cells (neurons) to communicate messages from one area to another. You can create new pathways in your brain. You are capable of learning new ways of doing and being. To do so, you only need to do three things:

1. Become aware of your bad habit
2. Substitute a new and improved habit for the old one
3. Rehearse the new habit until it becomes automatic

When you learn new skills and attitudes, new pathways are created in your brain. The most efficient way to create these new pathways is by practicing the new task. The more you practice, the deeper engrained the pathway becomes in your brain.
The downside is that the more you continue to do the same old negative thoughts and behaviors, the more deeply engrained they become as well. However, you can change this at any moment by merely being aware of those thoughts you want to change and then consciously and intentionally substituting in a more positive thought.
Research has shown that our brain has the capability to create new pathways for as long as you live. This is exciting news because we used to believe the brain was incapable of growth and change after early adulthood. We now know that the brain continues to grow and adapt every day of our lives. Your brain is just like a muscle that needs exercise if you want to keep it in shape. And, believe me; you definitely want to keep your brain in shape!

Blazing a New Trail in Your Brain

At first, it seems difficult to learn a new skill or attitude. When you begin learning a new skill, the baby pathway between brain cells is like a hiking path in your brain. It’s made of dirt and has pebbles and rocks on it. It is not very well-traveled so messages have a more difficult time “walking” from one place to another. The more you try out the new skill, the stronger the pathway becomes. After some practice, the pathway grows from a hiking trail into a two-lane highway. Now the messages move quickly and easily between the brain cells. Over time, the new skill becomes automatic and the two-lane highway solidifies into a super highway where the messengers of the brain rocket back and forth. The more you practice a new behavior, the more automatic and easier it becomes.

Just as physical skills such as running, jumping and playing sports become automatic through repetition, so too do thoughts, emotions and attitudes. As you repeat positive thoughts, your underlying pathways in the brain become stronger. Eventually, these paths become hardwired into your brain’s circuitry.

Revisit Your Essential Core Beliefs

Your core beliefs, your stealthy, silent thoughts, matter tremendously. Take a close look at your core beliefs because they fuel your thinking. If your core beliefs are negative (e.g., “I always get the short end of the stick.”), then your thinking will be negative. Negative thoughts lead to destructive emotions. So take a close look at your core beliefs, those things that you believe deep down in the core of your being.

While not scientifically proven, there seems to be a triad of negative beliefs which are at the root of all other destructive beliefs. These three beliefs stem from a confusion that arises when you mistake who you are with what you do. You are not what you do. You are not merely what you believe. You are not only what you feel. Those are aspects, facets, of you, but they are not the essence of you. You are far more than mere actions, beliefs, or feelings.

Many people make the serious error of rating how well they achieve followed by rating themselves as a good or bad person. Most folks judge their worth based on their achievements, their successes, and their failures. It’s a ubiquitous error in judgment; everyone makes it unless taught otherwise. Logically, it seems to make sense. I, the individual, kick the ball well or poorly. The ball doesn’t kick itself. So I ‘logically’ judge my kicking ability as good or bad. Then, I ‘illogically’ rate myself as a bad kicker, a bad athlete, or even a bad person. It’s a mistake of overgeneralization. Most people overgeneralize from doing a bad act to being a bad person. That’s a fallacy. It’s wrong. Learn to separate your worth as an individual from your individual actions.

For example, I’m working with my nine year old son on the concept that he is far more than his ability on the baseball diamond. Whether he hits the ball well or not, he is still a great person. A bad day at the ballpark does not make him a bad individual. A bad act does not a bad person make. In the same vein, a good act does not make you a good person.

In order to be a bad person, you would have to consistently and frequently perform bad acts such as breaking the rules, not cooperating, and hurting others. This is hard to do and highly improbable. So even if you are responsible for a bad act, say kicking the ball poorly, you cannot judge yourself as a bad person. It’s impossible to be what you do. A bad person would only and always behave in a negative manner. And a good person would act in a positive manner towards everyone at all times. Neither of these two extremes is possible.

Three Most Damaging Core Beliefs

The three most damaging core beliefs that you can hold are as follows:

1) Other people MUST treat me fairly or they are bad people.
2) I MUST do well or else I am a bad person.
3) My life conditions MUST be the way I WANT them to be or I can’t deal with it and will NOT be happy.

There are many other irrational beliefs that you might hold, but these three seem to be at the bottom of nearly every one of them. Integral to each and every one of your irrational, negative beliefs are the words “must”, “should”, or “ought.”
The goal is to become aware of your negative core beliefs. Once you are aware of them, you can consciously substitute positive core beliefs for old, ineffective, untrue beliefs. Certain core beliefs have been proven to lead to greater well-being. The core beliefs that have been proven to work well are as follows:
Core Beliefs That Work Towards Well-being

1. You are incredibly important and matter tremendously to the rest of us.
2. You are not alone. You are surrounded by others who care.
3. There is no failure, only delayed success.
4. Lessons are repeated until learned.
5. Learning never ends.
6. The present is a better place to live than the past or the future.
7. You can handle it.
8. What you do with your life is entirely up to you.
9. All the answers lie within you. You have but to listen.
10. Always look for the good in people and events. You find what you look for.
11. Life is a roller coaster ride. Enjoy the ride.
12. Energy is limitless. You can tap into it at anytime.

Dr. John's new book is coming out end of this summer. Look for it!

For coaching with Dr. John, call for an appointment at 925-944-3440. For individuals, fees run $150 per hour. Most appointments are done via phone.

Guide To Self(C) 2005-06.

2006-05-24T19:34:00.000-07:00

There are four types of affect, or emotional phenomena. You may know of a few. Yet, you need to be intimately familiar with all of them if you want to learn to be an emotional genius. Research is showing over and over just how important emotional management is for success and happiness - at work, at home, and in your relationships.

Find out if you're familiar with all four types of affect. There is emotion which is the zing of feeling you get in the moment. Emotions last from a split second to a few minutes.

There are moods which last from days to weeks and are more diffuse than emotions.

There is your temperament which you are born with but can influence to be more realistically optimistic.

And then there are the emotional masks you wear.

Check them all out on this amazing edition of Guide To Self radio with your host, Dr. John Schinnerer.

Dr. John provides coaching for executives, couples, individuals, and those looking for more happiness and purpose in life. Dr. John is finishing up his first book which should be ready by Summer 2006. You can find out the latest information by visiting
http://www.GuideToSelf.com or calling 925-944-3440.

Thank you for listening! You're making the world a better place!
Duration:29 minutes, 56 seconds

MP3 File

2006-05-24T17:44:00.000-07:00

How to Deal with Difficult Times

2006-05-22T09:54:00.000-07:00

Dealing with Tragedy
Dr. John Schinnerer
Guide To Self, Inc.
(925) 944-3440

Mary Tyler Moore said, "Pain nourishes courage. You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you."

As one of my professors at Cal, Dr. Nadine Lambert, died unexpectedly recently, I've been dealing with my own grief.

These are some notes I made to myself when thinking about how best to deal with sudden or unexpected tragedy or trauma.

How do you get through the painful emotions? How do you deal with the negative thoughts? How do you go forward? Here’s some thoughts…

Sense of Control

It comes down to controlling what you can. You will feel better to the extent that you can control the environment around you. To help alleviate feelings of helplessness, create an emergency plan for your family. If you already have one, revisit it. Be sure to include your children in on this as it gives them a greater sense of control. Gather supplies such as bottled water, flashlight, radio and so on and store them in an air tight garbage can. Gathering supplies and focusing on an emergency plan does two things – it helps restore your feeling of control and it distracts you from dwelling on negative and depressing thoughts.

One of the keys to managing your emotions is to distract yourself. Do things that are fun for you – exercising, reading, watch a comedy, go for a walk, enjoy nature, play with your kids.

When you notice your thoughts returning to the tragedy, gently redirect them to a memory of when you were happy and felt safe. I recommend to my clients to take mental snapshots of times when they are happy such as when they are playing in the back yard running through the sprinkler with their children. Then you can return to these mental pictures during stressful times.

Breathe

Another key is to breathe deeply. Breathe into your abdomen or stomach area, not your chest. Focus on exhaling out ALL of the air in your lungs with each breath and filling your lungs completely with each inhale.

Journal

And still another key is to journal. Studies have shown that journaling helps reduce intrusive thoughts, which are negative thoughts that come into your head unwanted. Journaling helps to get rid of these which will improve your mood.

Exercise

Keep your physical body in good shape in general to provide you with maximum energy. Staying in good physical shape gives you a greater sense of control of the environment around you. As we discussed earlier, a lot of the emotions that come up, arise due to a feeling of things being out of control. Having greater physical strength, greater flexibility, and more stamina all contribute to you having an increased sense of control over external events.

Also, for tragic events, when and if you get anxious, you may want to do activities that are relaxing such as yoga, meditation, walking, or stretching.

If you are angry or furious, any hearty physical activity such as jogging or swimming is a great way to work off strong negative emotions.

Soothing activities are helpful as well such as a shower or a warm bath.

You’ll want to avoid stimulants if you are anxious. Caffeine and sugar will increase your anxiety.

Other brief ideas:

Get back to your routine ASAP.

Help other people out. Best thing to do when you are down is focus your attention on helping others.

Symptoms of depression to watch out for:

In general, indicators of depression include changes in sleep habits – either too much or not enough, change in eating habits, significant weight gain or loss – more than approximately 5% body weight in a month, loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities, withdrawal from family and friends, family history of depression and/or anxiety, giving away valued items, complete lack of emotion, irritability, sadness, apathy (i.e., “I don’t care.”) fatigue, diminished ability to think or concentrate, and/or recurring thoughts of death and dying.

In younger children, depression appears as sadness, frustration, tiredness and anger. Younger children may appear more visibly depressed than adolescents (teenagers) and experience more physical complaints (e.g., headaches, stomachaches, etc.), fears, anxiety and nervousness. Teenagers tend to express more hopelessness, lack of any emotion at all, excessive sleeping, weight changes, and increased alcohol and/or drug use.

Find the positive in the pain

I challenge you to find your own personal positive meaning in this tragedy.

What does it represent to you? A call to action? A reminder to get in better shape? A motivation to learn to manage your thoughts and feelings? A second chance? An opportunity to do things right this time?

What are you going to LEARN from this?

Don’t sit by and passively watch another senseless tragedy go by. Use this to improve yourself and the world around you.

As Gandhi said, “You must be the change that you wish to see in the world.” That means you start with one individual – you. And you start changing you by changing what is on the inside.

The main reason for sadness is to help you adjust to a significant loss, such as the death of a family member or loss of an old friend. Sadness allows time to grieve, look inward at who you are and what you are doing with your life, and understand the meaning of the loss. One of the most important things is to figure out the meaning of the loss. The particular meaning you assign to the loss matters less than merely coming up with a meaning, any meaning for the loss. You are happier to the extent that you find a positive meaning in past events and relationships.

Just like anger builds upon itself, sadness builds upon sadness. So if your first sad thought is followed by more sad thoughts, you risk a downward spiral.
All emotion is meant to be temporary. Emotions are not permanent. They are merely passing by. You are better off to the extent that you can release them through deep breathing, exercise or journaling.

Snowball analogy for your thoughts

Imagine a snowball rolling down a large snow-covered mountain. At first, the snowball is the size of your fist, something you could easily pick up and control. However, as the snowball rolls down the hill, it picks up speed and grows exponentially. After a few yards, the snowball has increased in size to the point where you can no longer handle it by yourself. Given the right conditions, the snowball can grow to mammoth size and could cause damage to other people.

The snowball is exactly the same as our feelings. Each feeling starts out tiny and manageable. However, if you are not paying attention, the feeling grows and quickly becomes uncontrollable. In fact you only have about ½ a second to interrupt the process of negative emotions. However, it’s doable. You can do it. I’ll tell you how.
The most important thing in controlling negative emotions is nipping them in the bud. You have to tune in to your body’s cues. Your body will tell you when you are beginning to get angry, for instance. Blood rushes to your fists, your face may get red, your muscles tense, breathing becomes shallow, your jaw clenches, your eyebrows furrow and so on. We need to begin to tune in to these cues. You only have a split second in which you can interrupt the cycle of anger. Otherwise the anger builds upon itself and spirals out of control. So the first tip is to become more aware of your bodily cues. Every emotion has cues which reveal how we are feeling. Fear triggers blood flowing to the arms and legs, perspiration, raised eyebrows, and a constriction of the throat. Sadness is marked primarily by a drop in energy, tears welling up, and the longing for that which is gone. The trick is to tune into these cues quickly and interrupt the cycle.

The second tip is to understand that negative emotions are created in large part by your interpretation of the situation around you. So you can learn to change your interpretation of the world around you. Here’s one way to do this.

In stressful situations, ask yourself, “Will this matter ten years from now?” In most cases the answer is no, it won’t. If the answer is Yes, then ask yourself, “What can I do to help find a constructive solution to the problem?”

Some more quick tips to put a smile on your face:

Breathe deeply.

Take a bath or shower.

Get out in nature.

Refocus your mind on positive thoughts.

Force yourself to smile in the shower. Info in the brain travels in both directions.

And remember that this too will pass. While it may seem life-shattering now, life will improve, a smile will eventually return to your face, and you will be free to love again. When you get down, maintain a long-term perspective (e.g, view the event in terms of your entire lifespan). And never, never, never give up.

Goodbye, Nadine. You'll be missed.

All the best,

Dr. John

Guide To Self, Inc. (C) 2005-06

“Capitalizing” on Good News to Create Better Relationships

2006-05-09T11:05:00.000-07:00

Capitalizing on Good News and Love
Dr. John Schinnerer
Guide To Self, Inc.
www.GuideToSelf.com
(925) 944-3440

One of the foremost researchers in the area of love and marriage is Shelly Gable, an assistant professor of psychology at UCLA. Most researchers looking at marriage work on conflict management, how to create more harmony between partners, and how individuals in a couple cope with traumatic events. Gable is one of a handful of researcher who looks at what makes a thriving marriage. Her work provides some valuable insights if you are interested in transforming your good relationship (e.g., friendship, marriage, parent or child) into a great one.

Gable looks to see how you respond when your spouse tells you that he’s just been promoted, or your child tells you that she won Class President, or when your mother tells you she won a tennis tournament, or when your friend tells you she just won a huge lawsuit. Gable puts your responses into four different categories which break down as follows:

1. An enthusiastic reaction such as “Wow! That’s tremendous. That’s the best thing I’ve heard all week. I’m sure there are more great things to come for you. You’ve definitely earned it. Congratulations!” This reaction is called the active-constructive response by Gable.

2. A more subdued reaction where you share your happiness but say little. For example, “That’s nice dear.” This is the passive-constructive response.

3. Or perhaps you point out some of the potential pitfalls or negatives within the good event. For instance, “Wow, I sure hope you can handle all that extra responsibility. Does this mean you will have to work extra hours?” Gable refers to this as the active-destructive response.

4. Or, you might respond with disinterest and not respond to the good news at all. Most folks do this by merely changing the subject, “Yes, but what do you think about the weather outside?” This is known as the passive-destructive response.
The first type of response, the active-constructive one, is called “capitalizing” by Gable and here’s the fascinating part…capitalizing amplifies the pleasure of the good event and creates an upward spiral of good feelings.

Gable has shown that capitalizing is one of the keys to strong, supportive, thriving relationships. So how do you respond to good news from other people? Are you a “capitalizer” who creates upward spirals of positive emotions? Or do you turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to the good news of others?

The consequences of learning how to be more of a “capitalizer” are impressive and robust. Couples who describe themselves as having a spouse who is active and constructive in response to their good news are:

• More committed to the relationship
• More in love
• Happier in their marriage
• Happier in other significant relationships (i.e., friends, parents, children and coworkers).

Think about that the next time your mate comes in the door with exciting news!

Guide To Self(C) 2005-06.

2006-04-29T16:36:00.000-07:00

200th Show - Review of Concepts Learned
Dr. John talks with his regular guest, Amy, about what she's discovered in the past six months of weekly conversations.

Topics touched on include values, boundaries, self-worth, emotional management, parenting, focusing on small steps of improvement, and
more.

This is the final show of Guide To Self Radio on KDIA. Guide To Self may re-emerge at a new radio or TV station, but it is not known at
this time.

Dr. John Schinnerer hosts Guide To Self radio, positive psychology radio, on KDIA 1640 AM every Monday through Friday at 5 pm in the San Francisco Bay Area. Guide To Self is sponsored in part by Infinet Assessment, the best in employee testing. for more information on Infinet's outstanding testing products, visit
http://www.InfinetAssessment.com.

For more on Guide To Self's coaching and books, visit, http://www.guidetoself.com or call (925) 944-3440.
Duration:30 minutes, 13 seconds

MP3 File

2006-04-29T16:34:00.000-07:00

Happiness and Longevity - Do the Two Go Hand in Hand?

Dr. John Schinnerer goes over the nun study in which 178 Catholic nuns were followed from the age of 22 until death. The study began in 1930 and reveals some amazing insights into happiness, optimism and the secret to a long life. The study has followed this group of nuns for over 75 years. It's one of a kind!

Also, Dr. John touches on the mind, body, spirit connection in a discussion on psychoneuroimmunology.

The 199th show on KDIA radio!

Dr. John Schinnerer hosts Guide To Self radio, positive psychology radio, on KDIA 1640 AM every Monday through Friday at 5 pm in the San
Francisco Bay Area. Guide To Self is sponsored in part by Infinet Assessment, the best in employee testing. For more information on
Infinet's great testing products, visit
http://www.infinetassessment.com.

For more info on Guide To Self, call (925) 944-3440 or visit us at
http://www.guidetoself.com.
Duration:27 minutes, 59 seconds

MP3 File

2006-04-26T09:28:00.000-07:00

Dr. John uses a humorous approach to defining and deconstructing stress - a topic we are all too familiar with. Stress is a leading cause in heart difficulties, relational problems, exhaustion, physical ailments such as sciatica and much, much more.

Find out how to defuse your ticking time bomb of a temper in this enlightening and entertaining show on Guide To Self Radio.

Guide To Self Radio airs on KDIA 1640 AM in the SF Bay Area.

Guide To Self Radio's website is http://www.guidetoself.com. Phone is
925-944-3440.

Guide To Self Radio is sponsored in part by Infinet Assessment, the lion of the employment testing jungle. Check them out at www.infinetassessment.com. Tests designed to fit your unique company culture and value system.
Duration:30 minutes, 9 seconds

MP3 File

2006-04-25T09:52:00.000-07:00

Dr. John Schinnerer on another difference within the marvelous human brain – automatic or conscious processes. Who is really in charge - your "old" emotional brain or your "new" rational brain?

Close the gap between how you think your brain works and how it ACTUALLY works. You THINK you have free will. What if it were the case that you don’t have as much free will as you think? What if 90% of what you do and say is automatic?

A fascinating and novel approach to radio. Dr. John borrows Jim Gaffigan's method of speaking the thoughts of the audience making for humorous and helpful radio. Best ever?!

Guide To Self airs on KDIA 1640 AM at 5 pm in the SF Bay Area. More info is at http://www.guidetoself.com.

Guide To Self radio is sponsored in part by Infinet Assessment, the premier firm for employee testing. More is available at
http://www.infinetassessment.com.

(925) 944-3440
Duration:29 minutes, 25 seconds

MP3 File

2006-04-23T13:48:00.000-07:00

Optimism ... perseverance ... resiliency – traits that you can learn in order to be more successful in life, in order to lead a happier, more fulfilling life.

In nearly every area of our lives – academics, the work place, athletics, and personal development –optimism has been shown to be a critical marker which discriminates between the successful and the unsuccessful.

Albert Schweitzer said, “An optimist is a person who sees a green light everywhere, while a pessimist sees only the red stoplight... The truly wise person is color- blind.”

Yet that isn’t exactly right... find out why in this edition of Guide To Self with Dr. John Schinnerer, host of Guide To Self Radio on KDIA
1640 AM at 5 pm daily in the SF Bay Area.

http://www.guidetoself.com
Sponsored in part by Infinet Assessment, a leader in employee testing.
http://www.infinetassessment.com.
Duration:29 minutes, 46 seconds

MP3 File

2006-04-19T09:17:00.000-07:00

Listen in as Dr. John talks about one of the most pressing issues in
America today that you don’t know about – it’s called alexithymia and
it literally means having no words for feelings. It is an ABSENCE of
emotional intelligence and it is truly a severe difficulty for most
men in this day and age.

Dr. John has seen an absence of emotional intelligence cause great
problems for many men –infidelity, embezzle funds from work, split
business partners, and more. Men have a hard time with our emotions
which makes PERFECT sense as they are shamed out of us at an early
age.

Join Guide To Self Radio for a life-changing show aimed at making men
more aware of their emotions. Guide To Self may be heard on KDIA 1640
AM at 2 pm and 5 pm every Monday - Friday in the SF Bay Area.

More is available at http://www.guidetoself.com.

Guide To Self is sponsored in part by Infinet Assessment, the best in
pre-hire testing. http://www.infinetassessment.com.
Duration:28 minutes, 16 seconds

MP3 File

2006-04-19T09:14:00.000-07:00

There are five types of forgiveness. The most difficult of these is usually forgiving one's self. Find out more in the provocative discussion between Dr. John and regular guest, Amy.

Guide To Self airs every Monday through Friday on KDIA 1640 AM in San Francisco Bay Area.

More shows available at http://www.guidetoself.com.

Sponsored in part by Infinet Assessment, the leader in employee testing.
http://www.infinetassessment.com
Duration:29 minutes, 26 seconds

MP3 File

2006-04-19T09:08:00.000-07:00

Dr. John Schinnerer chats again with Pastor Michael Chalberg, author of Shattered People, a series of books on individuals with Dissociative Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality Disorder). The main character is a real client of Pastor Mike's - a woman who had an amazing 66 personalities. Find out what happens when you put a multiple under extreme stress such as during a surgical procedure. Riveting stuff!

It is a remarkable story of tragedy, potential and triumph. Check it out.

Guide to Self runs 5 pm - 5:30 pm Monday - Friday on 1640 AM SF Bay Area or live on www.kdia.com via webcast.

(925) 944-3440

Dr. John is proud to announce his first book, Guide To Self: From Surviving to Thriving which will come out in June of this year. Check
out www.guidetoself.com for the latest details!
http://www.guidetoself.com

Guide To Self: The Coaching Company

Duration:29 minutes, 40 seconds

MP3 File

2006-04-06T15:01:00.000-07:00

The brain is the most complex system known to humankind. It contains over one hundred billion neurons, or brain cells. Each cell in your brain has an average of ten thousand connections to other brain cells.

That means that there are more connections in your brain than there are stars in the universe. The fact that my brain works even remotely correctly, a fact my wife might dispute, is a the most convincing evidence I’ve found for the presence of a higher power.

The brain affects everything you are, everything you do - your relationships, work, parenting, marriage, and even your relationships with God. To understand yourself and those around you, you must understand the brain.

If your brain is working right, then you are working right. If your brain is NOT working right, then…
you’ve got a...
problem.

Check it out with Dr. John Schinnerer and Guide To Self radio.

http://www.guidetoself.com
http://www.infinetassessment.com
Duration:29 minutes, 39 seconds

MP3 File

2006-04-06T14:58:00.000-07:00

Dr. John chats with Dean Tracy, veteran of the corporate trenches, about what it takes to build exceptional teams at work. The entire concept of industry is built on the assumption that human beings must work cooperatively in teams in order to get stuff done! But! There’s a difference between an effective team and a dysfunctional team. As usual, it’s a matter of degree. It’s a continuum. To what extent are you inspiring the best performance from your teammates at work? Check in with Guide to Self today and discover some helpful ways to lead your teams to the top.

http://www.guidetoself.com
http://www.infinetassessment.com
Duration:30 minutes, 13 seconds
Date Last Updated:

MP3 File

2006-04-05T21:43:00.000-07:00

Dr. John talks with Pastor Michael Chalberg, author of Shattered People: Journeys to Love. This is one show you DO NOT want to miss – we’ll be talking multiple personality disorder (MPD or DID), ritualistic satanic abuse and the hard, hard journey to wholeness for some of these shattered and fragmented folks.

Pastor Michael Chalberg has 15 years counseling folks with MPD who survived the ritualistic abuse of Clergy and parents.

Find out what it takes to split a human mind into 66 seaparate, fragmented personalities - all within one human body. Question: Does each one of the personalities have their own soul?

http://www.guidetoself.com. Dr. John Schinnerer can be heard on Guide To Self radio Mon - Fri at 5 pm. Reruns at 2 pm.

Seminars now scheduled for Concord, CA on May 23rd to the 27th. See www.guidetoself.com for more great information. Dr. John will be
presenting with Dr. Leigh Kibby, expert in understanding human behavior. Take a look!
Duration:30 minutes, 14 seconds

MP3 File

2006-04-02T20:51:00.000-07:00

Dr. John Schinnerer, host of Guide To Self radio, speaks with Jamie Ford in New Zealand. Jamie is the founder of the Foresight Institute, which supplies the Optimism test designed by Dr. Martin Seligman. Jamie’s company tests folks for how optimistic they are and then provides workshops to make pessimists more optimistic.

At the center of pessimism is another trait, learned helplessness. Helplessness occurs when you believe that nothing you do affects what happens to you. It’s sort of the opposite of free will. It’s like 'No Will.' Pessimism and helplessness may even lie at the heart of
depression.

Your level of optimism affects your performance in the workplace, in sports, and at home. Included in this show is an exercise to help you boost your optimism.

Guide To Self radio can be heard on KDIA 1640 AM at 2 pm and 5 pm every Monday - Friday in the San Francisco Bay Area. www.kdia.com.

More info is available on Dr. John and Guide To Self at http://www.guidetoself.com. (925) 944-3440

Guide To Self is sponsored in part by Infinet Assessment. http://www.infinetassessment.com.
Duration:29 minutes, 20 seconds

MP3 File

2006-03-29T20:15:00.001-08:00

We have an outstanding show for lined up for you today. Dr. John Schinnerer speaks with Lisa Kramer, president, and founder of Living with Intention, is a professional certified coach through the International Coach Federation. She specializes in relationship coaching. Lisa coaches couples to create extraordinary relationships. A talk about how to achieve the relationship of which you’ve always dreamed.

Roughly 1/3rd of us are lonely. 33% of us feel alone out there. And just this week, scientists showed that loneliness in people over the age of 50 greatly increases their risk of high blood pressure. The loneliest people had blood pressure readings as much as 30 points higher than those who were not lonely. On the other side of the coin, we know that relationships are a main source of happiness. You don’t smile much when you’re by your self. If you are alone, take a risk, go outside, put out your hand, smile and build some new relationships. Part of living a healthy, happy life is spending time with friends and family. The importance of social connections cannot be overstated.

Lisa Kramer holds a Masters in Social Work, and is a certified relationship coach. She teaches at the Institute for Life Coach Training. Lisa is also the author of Loving with Intention: A Guide for Relationship Coaching.

Check it out. It WILL help your relationships. And what could be more important than better relationships?! (That's a rhetorical question!)

Dr. John Schinnerer hosts Guide To Self Radio (www.guidetoself.com) every Mondy - Friday at 2 pm and 5 pm on KDIA 1640 AM in the SF Bay
Area. 925-944-3440

Lisa's firm, Living with Intention, is accessible at
www.livingwithintention.com.

Guide to Self sponsored in part by Infinet Assessment, the best in corporate testing. Http://www.infinetassessment.com.

MP3 File

2006-03-29T20:15:00.000-08:00

2006-03-29T08:05:00.000-08:00

The latest form of emotional intelligence (EQ or EI) is a combination of thoughts AND feelings. Check in with Australia's most innovative psychological mind, Dr. Leigh Kibby. He founded the Noetic Psychology movement and is extending the way in which you learn how to consciously use your own thoughts and feelings.

Trainer of over 2500 police, doctors, youth workers, educators and senior executives.

Guide to Self radio is heard daily at 5 pm on KDIA 1640 AM
www.kdia.com.

More at www.guidetoself.com.

GTS is sponsored in part by Infinet Assessment.
http://www.infinetassessment.com.
Duration:29 minutes, 11 seconds

MP3 File

2006-03-27T20:39:00.000-08:00

Interview with Kathi Elster, co-author of Working with You is Killing
Me: Freeing Your Self of Emotional Traps at Work. Fantastic book. Great interview!

Dr. John Schinnerer can be heard daily on Guide To Self Radio at 2 pm and 5 pm on KDIA 1640 Am in the SF Bay Area.

http://www.guidetoself.com
(925) 944-3440
Duration:24 minutes, 34 seconds

MP3 File

2006-03-22T12:54:00.000-08:00

Why you should NOT pay attention to anything having to do with "positive psychology." There is so much other stuff out there to which you could listen. Why waste your time with positive psychology?

Dr. John argues why you DON’T want to listen to this show. He came up with the most difficult questions you could ask about positive psych and set about answering them. Now you can make up your own mind about this positive psychology stuff.

Includes the hardest questions you could ask if you were on the air with Dr. John. In other words, why should you give a rat’s ass about positive psychology?

Find out on Guide To Self Radio. Guide To Self airs on KDIA 1640 AM every Monday through Friday at 5 pm.

More info available at Guide To Self - http://www.guidetoself.com
Sponsored by Infinet Assessment - http://www.infinetassessment.com.
Airs on KDIA - http://www.kdia.com.
Duration:29 minutes, 39 seconds

MP3 File

2006-03-22T12:52:00.000-08:00

Join Dr. John and Dr. Elizabeth Kearney for a rousing talk about a politically incorrect topic – the differences between the sexes. How do men and women differ in their approach to problem-solving? How are we different in the way in which we pursue goals? How are we different in our use of language?

Elizabeth Kearney, Ph.D. who specializes in strategic planning, effective leadership, and staff development training. This award-winning author and professor was a John Hopkins Fellow, and three of her books – Customers Run Your Company: They Pay the Bills, Everyone is a Customer, and People Power: Reading People for Results were Fortune Book-of-the-Month Club selections. Her latest book, Women Who Paved the Way, was introduced in November of 2005. Liz was selected in 2003 & 2004 as Businesswoman of the Year by the National Business Advisory Council.

Guide To Self can be heard every Monday through Friday on KDIA 1640 AM in San Francisco Bay Area from 5 - 5:30 PM. Check out more shows at http://www.GuideToSelf.com. (925) 944-3440.

Guide To Self is sponsored in part by Infinet Assessment, the best in employee testing. Test to find the best - with Infinet.
http://www.InfinetAssessment.com.
Duration:

MP3 File

2006-03-22T12:49:00.000-08:00

Dr. John chats with Amy about parenting boys in this day and age where boys are often expected to act like little girls - quiet, restrained, and self-reflective. We've discussed the disservice we’ve done to our boys and men by shaming them into suppressing their feelings. After being shamed numerous times with looks of contempt and disgust, suppressing emotions becomes automatic. Once their behavior is automatic, then boys have two choices to respond to a perceived threat – silence or violence. They either get very quiet, withdraw or lash out physically.

Some boys have a terribly hard time managing their anger due to ADHD or simply to the fact that boys have more physical energy than girls.
So the question is how do you deal with this energy level particularly in the classroom? Tune in to find out.

Guide To Self can be heard Monday through Friday on KDIA 1640 AM at 5 pm in the SF Bay Area or via the web at http://www.kdia.com.

More information is available at http://www.guidetoself.com or by calling 925.944.3440.

Guide To Self is sponsored in part by Infinet Assessment, the best in employee testing. http://www.InfinetAssessment.com.

MP3 File

2006-03-15T09:58:00.000-08:00

Radio has been called theater for the mind. Join Dr. John for an intriguing thought experiment which will lead to greater perspective on your life, your troubles, and your joys. Dr. John takes you on a mental journey from thousands of light years outside our universe to earth to human beings to the inner workings of the molecule.

Dr. John has long wanted to attempt this thought experiment on the radio. It's not perfect yet. But it's an amazing start. Dr. John Schinnerer hosts Guide To Self radio on KDIA 1640 AM every Monday through Friday at 5 pm in the SF Bay Area.

Guide To Self is sponsored in part by Infinet Assessment, the best in employee testing.
http://www.infinetassessment.com.

Dr. John may be reached for consultation or coaching at DrJohn@GuideToSelf.com or (925) 944-3440.

MP3 File

2006-03-15T09:54:00.000-08:00

Join Guide To Self for an out of the box show. Dr. John talks with Tom Munnecke, founder of Uplift Academy and a former Visiting Scholar at Stanford University, about positive change on a global basis.

Where Dr. John is passionate about helping individuals manage their internal world, their thoughts and feelings, and their immediate relationships, Tom is passionate about helping groups of individuals using the power of the web to create a better world. Idealistic? Absolutely. Foolish? Not a bit.

Tom focuses on a different level or layer of the challenge – the challenge to improve the world on a large scale.

After 30 years designing large scale hospital information systems, Tom Munnecke quit his job as a vice president and chief scientist at a Fortune 500 company. He asked himself, "What is the simplest thing I can do which will have the greatest benefit for humanity?" A 5 year process of travel, study, and meditation lead to the formation of GivingSpace - a think tank to explore innovative ways of using technology in humanitarian activities. In 2003, Tom took a position as a Visiting Scholar at Stanford's Digital Visions Program during which he shifted his focus from purely charitable giving and philanthropy to a more general notion of humanitarian uplift, which was based on Jon Haidt’s notion of the positive emotion of elevation.

Most recently Tom founded the Uplift Academy, a think tank where visionaries can discuss big ideas about hilanthropy, networking and giving back to society.

Dr. John Schinnerer can be heard daily on Guide To Self Radio on KDIA Monday through Friday at 5 pm in the San Francisco Bay Area. http://www.guidetoself.com.

Guide To Self is sponsored in part by Infinet Assessment, the leader in employee testing ttp://www.infinetassessment.com.

MP3 File

2006-03-02T08:14:00.000-08:00

How do you communicate WELL within a relationship? Relationships are a main source of happiness for you. Shouldn't you know how the ground rules? A highly useful show! Dr. John chats with John Nielsen, author of Assertive Communications Skills, about the best ways for couples to communicate because communication is key to a thriving and satisfying relationship.

John Nielsen is the founder of Communication Empowerment. He is a former Marine, an author, and the Pastor of Healing Ministries at Community of Grace Church in Hayward, California. John has taught drug and alcohol prevention programs for the US Navy and the Marines. And he has counseled over 2,000 people, as well as conducting numerous workshops in communication skills and group dynamics.

So sit tight, if you want a happier life, if you are interested in a happy and successful relationship, you are right where you want to be.

Guide To Self is on every Monday through Friday at 5 pm on KDIA 1640 AM. Guide To Self http://www.guidetoself.com. Guide To Self Radio is sponsored in part by http://www.infinetassessment.com.
Duration:27 minutes, 41 seconds

MP3 File

2006-02-27T19:23:00.000-08:00

The Power of Persuasion: How We're Bought and Sold with author Dr. Robert Levine

A mesmerizing chat with Dr. Bob Levine from California Statue University Fresno regarding how we are persuaded by politicians, cult leaders, sales people and con men. Essential information for every human being who doesn't want to get taken.

Guide To Self radio airs every Monday through Friday at 5 pm on KDIA 1640 AM. More shows are available at http://www.guidetoself.com.

Guide To Self is sponsored in part by Infinet Assessment, the leader
in employee testing. For more info, visit Infinet at http://www.infinetassessment.com. Thank you!
Duration:28 minutes, 20 seconds

MP3 File

2006-02-27T11:28:00.000-08:00

Two of the most powerful tools for a thriving life are the ability to stay in the present moment (not dwell on the past or fret about the future) and the ability to go outside one's self (to watch as from above your body).

These skills are tremendously helpful in creating emotional distance during stressful situations. This, in turn, allows you to remain calm and centered in chaotic, stressful or emotionally-charged situations. This is where true power begins.

Listen in as Dr. John chats with Amy about how to emotionally disengage from chaotic moments by blurring the boundaries between self
and that which is "not self."

More shows available at http://www.guidetoself.com. Guide To Self
Radio is sponsored by Infinet Assessment. Guide To Self airs on KDIA.
Listen live via web simulcast at http://www.KDIA.com.
Duration:28 minutes, 21 seconds

MP3 File

2006-02-23T10:57:00.000-08:00

Tune in to today's edition of Guide To Self for the latest ways to survive in the brave new world of midlife romance – the sticky world of sex and the single parent!
How do you date when you are single with kids? What are the rules for folks over thirty recently reintroduced to the dating scene?
Who makes the first call?
Does the "three date rule" hold true?
Who pays for dinner?
And perhaps MOST importantly - How do you find a date who is NOT insane?

In 2003, nearly 30% of folks age 40 to 60 are single and the number seems to be growing. That’s up more than 10% from 1980. And roughly 2/3rds of these people are actively dating. What’s more, according to AARP, 45% of men and 38% of women age 40 to 60 have intercourse at least once a week. And 61% of sexually active older singles report they’re having unprotected sex.

Now the lady whom I’m speaking with today, Tamara, is in her late 30's. She is single and a mother of two teenage daughters. Today, I’m talking with Tamara, a veteran of the trenches of the single scene. She has some valuable lessons for most, if not all. of us.

For those of you interested in learning the new rules of dating for single parents, stick around, you are right where you want to be. This is your friendly neighborhood psychologist, Dr. John and you’re listening to Guide To Self on KDIA 1640 AM

http://www.guidetoself.com
Sponsored by Infinet Assessment
http://www.infinetassessment.com
On KDIA
http://www.KDIA.com

MP3 File

2006-02-21T20:03:00.000-08:00

Dr. John Schinnerer chats with Monica Reinagel, author of The Inflammation Free Diet Plan – The Scientific Way to Lose Weight, Banish Pain, Prevent Disease and Slow Aging.

There are a number of diverse health care concerns related to inflammation – Alzheimer’s, diabetes, heart disease, and hay fever.
Most experts agree that an anti-inflammatory diet is a powerful way to lose weight, rejuvenate your skin, mitigate depression, and alleviate arthritis. It’s a hot topic right now in health circles grabbing headlines in Time Magazine, the Wall Street Journal and the Today Show recently.

On this edition of Guide To Self, find out how to tell which foods cause inflammation, what supplements to take to decrease your inflammation, which foods to avoid and more!

Guide To Self Radio airs on KDIA 1640 AM every Monday through Friday at 5 pm. Pick it up live via the web at www.kdia.com. Check out past
shows at http://www.guidetoself.com.

Guide To Self is sponsored in part by Infinet Assessment - the best in
employment testing. Visit Infinet at http://www.InfinetAssessment.com.
Duration:29 minutes, 13 seconds
Date Last Updated:

MP3 File

2006-02-17T10:24:00.000-08:00

A genuine and poignant conversation between Katie and Dr. John Schinnerer, a psychologist out of UC Berkeley. How long is long enough to wait for your spouse to "change"? At what point do you forgive and move on with your life?

Find out about the five types of forgiveness that you need to know for a happy and thriving life. Forgiveness is the key to dumping out all your old feelings of resentment, anger and disappointment.

Guide To Self radio is on KDIA 1640 AM every Mon - Friday at 5 pm.
www.GuideToSelf.com. Dr. John can be reached for coaching at (925) 944-3440.

Guide To Self Radio is brought to you in part by Infinet Assessment. Visit them today at http://www.InfinetAssessment.com for the best in pre-employment testing.

Duration:28 minutes, 26 seconds

MP3 File

2006-02-17T10:14:00.000-08:00

I am your friendly neighborhood psychologist, Dr. John Schinnerer, and we have a poignant show for you today. I’m going to tell you about the latest in top secret ways to build a lasting and satisfying relationship. So if you are interested in learning how to build a happy and successful relationship, stick around because today I’m talking about ways to create a successful, lifelong relationship with your spouse. Studies show that the happiest people spend more time with others and less time by themselves. So what are some of the key ingredients to a lasting, successful relationship with your spouse, your friends, and your children? Tune in and find out! Guide To Self radio airs on KDIA 1640 AM in the San Francisco Bay Area every Monday through Friday at 5 pm. You can also catch it on the web at www.kdia.com. Past shows are available at www.guidetoself.com.
Duration:29 minutes, 16 seconds

MP3 File

Best Ways to Overcome Sadness, Irritability and Depression

2006-02-16T10:42:00.000-08:00

Guide To Self – KDIA Radio
Latest Methods for Dealing with Sadness
Dr. John Schinnerer
Guide To Self Radio and Coaching

A great day to you and welcome to Guide To Self where you learn the latest ways to deal with sadness!

As many of you know, my wife and I recently had our fourth child, a girl named Molly Marie. She is now six weeks old which means we’ve gone six weeks without much sleep. My wife and I are exhausted. The other three children are jealous to one degree or another. And my mood recently took a nosedive.

So today, I’m going to share with you steps you can take to defeat depression, sadness, irritability or whatever you want to call it.

Sadness is Different for Men than for Women

Be aware that sadness takes different shapes. Typically, sadness appears as anger and irritability in men and comes out as sorrow and melancholy in women. So it looks different when I get down from when my wife gets down. I tend to get more irritable and less patient. I feel overwhelmed more easily. I have a harder time staying in the present moment. My thoughts take me to the past or the future more quickly. My energy level is low. My body aches more. And I get less joy out of my daily routines.

So I want to share with you what exactly is going on in my life. I want to make you aware of what it takes to cause a road bump in my emotional path. I told you about not sleeping well for six weeks due to the baby. That’s a big one. Sleep disturbance is enough to mess up anyone’s mood. In my case, lack of sleep led to a cold and sore throat.

On top of that, I’m not a wealthy man. In fact, nearly the opposite, I’m in debt. I have not made money doing this radio show. So I pay for the privilege of sharing my knowledge with listeners. Roughly 2 hours per day are spent preparing for the show. I book my own guests. I write my own scripts. I respond to emails and letters.

Also, I’m currently in charge of two companies. I’m working on corporate taxes which I don’t particularly enjoy.

I see several clients daily for coaching where I deal with other people’s problems most of the day.

I’m trying to find the time to finish two books.

At night, once the children are in bed, I add radio shows to the website and do the programming.

My wife is now back to work 3 days per week as a hairdresser. This means that two mornings a week, with the help of a nanny, I juggle a newborn and a 5-year-old.

My house is partially torn up due to a contractor who left the job half-finished. So we’re now in the process of drawing up new plans and finding a new contractor.

And to top it all off, a few days ago, I was served papers for a lawsuit in which I’m being sued by a title company for a down payment on a house. We’ve paid the money. I’ve got the stubs from the money orders. Apparently, the title company didn’t receive them with all the other papers we mailed in.

Right now, it feels as if every relationship in my life is consuming my energy. And I’m running on empty. So I’ve been exhausted and bummed out the last couple of days.

So what do I do? How does a psychologist break out of such a vicious cycle?
I’ll tell you how. Dealing with sadness that stays with you for a few days or weeks may require a lifestyle change for you – it’s about dealing with your whole person – diet, exercise, faith, mind and relationships.

Top Ways to Deal with Sadness

First, I never stop exercising. Even when my mind is trying to find a way out of it, I will at least walk for 20 minutes. It’s critical that you exercise twenty minutes a day for mood and longer than that if you want to lose weight. This can be as simple as climbing the stairs at work twice a day, or walking for 20 minutes. When I’m working out, I will think about getting rid of all my fear and anger. Exercise is one of the best ways to work negative emotions out of your body.

Second, I remind myself of what is truly important by determining what is really important and what is not. How do I do this? I ask myself the question, “Will this matter a year from now?” Most of the time, the answer is “No, it won’t matter.” It’s one of the ways we can learn to be less emotionally reactive and more thoughtfully proactive. If you’re like me, you have to train yourself to behave in healthy ways because most people did not learn these tricks growing up. So you need to retrain your brain. As you learn to respond more effectively to minor inconveniences, it leaves you more positive energy to respond to actual crises. This is known to many as wisdom - the ability to deal well with your own suffering as well as help others with theirs.

Third, I focus on everything for which I am grateful – my wife, my children, my dog, my friends, my coworkers, my God, my health and so on. It is critical that you learn how to appreciate life. Life is a gift that has been granted to us. The more we appreciate and cherish the gift, the more we understand what a magical journey life is. Your thoughts matter tremendously in this equation of emotion.

A study done at NIMH focused on the power of thought and emotion. The brain activity of ten normal women was monitored under 3 different conditions.

The researcher recorded each person’s brain activity when they were thinking neutral thoughts, happy thoughts, and sad thoughts.

During the neutral thoughts, nothing changed in the brain.

During the happy thoughts, the limbic system, or the emotional brain, cooled down, and became less active resulting in a more relaxed and energized state.

During the sad thoughts, the limbic system, the emotional brain, became aroused and active which has negative effects on your body – tense muscles, quickened heart rate, perspiration and so on.

Think about the last time you felt happy. How did your body feel? Your muscles relax, your hands become dry, your heart rate slows, and you breathe more deeply. Your body reacts to EVERY FEELING YOU HAVE! This is proof that your emotions matter!

Fourth, welcome the feeling of sadness. It is there for a reason. There is a message or lesson involved in the emotion. Your job is to figure the message out. Once you’ve accepted the feeling, let it go, breathe it out. Emotions are meant to be temporary.

One of my main difficulties growing up was that I could sense or pick up the emotions of other people. I was intuitive even as a little child. The problem is that no one teaches you what to do with that emotional energy. And it’s very draining.

I used to think of myself as a container for negative emotions such as anger, sadness and fear. What I found is that thinking of yourself as a container for emotions is not a healthy way to picture it. It’s much more helpful to think of yourself as a net which catches positive emotions and allows negative emotions to pass through. Keep in mind that these are just emotions. Emotions are not permanent. They are not intended to remain with us. They are just passing through.

Fifth, as the human brain is easily altered, I change the music I listen to. Once I have made up my mind to change my mood, I purposefully listen to upbeat lively music. I watch only comedies. Realize that your brain is incredibly open to suggestion. Not only can music and television alter your brain, as I mentioned, your very thoughts and feelings have the ability to change the physical make-up of your brain.

You have to be cautious what you expose yourself too. Your senses take in over 4 billion bits of information per second. You are only consciously aware of 2,000 of those bits per second. This means that your mind is constantly taking in seeds and you are not even aware of it – overhearing conversations, televisions playing in the background, commercials you try to ignore, music lyrics and so on. So your emotional state, your thoughts, your judgments all have a tremendous effect on what information you are consciously aware of.

When you are touched, you have a physical sensation. When you feel an emotion, you also have a physical sensation in your body. Every physical sensation, every thought, every feeling is written into your brain. The more times you have it, the more deeply it is written into your brain. So the longer you spend immersed in sad feelings and morose thoughts, the more your body becomes accustomed to that state of being. The more your body becomes accustomed to it, the more it wants to remain there. The harder it is to break out. While you want to welcome the feeling and embrace it, you also want to breathe it out as soon as possible. Don’t spend too long wallowing in self-pity.

Sixth, work in sprints – go two hours and then break for ten minutes. Give yourself a break every two hours at least. Our brain works best that way. It’s difficult and less effective to work eight hours straight.

Seventh, stay in the present moment. Train your thoughts to stay focused on the present moment. When you find Gremlin thoughts coming to take you to the past or the future, redirect yourself to the right now and right here.

Eighth, stop using toxic elements. This includes alcohol, caffeine, marijuana, cocaine, nicotine and sugars. Caffeine and nicotine have been shown in brain studies to decrease overall blood flow to the brain, making most symptoms worsen over time. They also decrease the effectiveness of many medications and increase the number and severity of side effects. Most of the substances we reach for when sad act as central nervous system depressants anyway. When you’re already depressed, you don’t want to add fuel to the fire with alcohol or marijuana.

Ninth, add Omega-3 to your daily diet. Omega-3 stabilizes mood & improves overall brain functioning. Omega-3 fatty acids are essential fatty acids crucial for growth and development. My favorite, and one of the most studied nutrients, is the Omega-3 fatty acids. About 60% of the brain is made up of fats (lipids) that make up the lining of every brain cell. Omega-3s are required by the brain to an extraordinary degree. They cannot be produced by our bodies but must be ingested via diet or pills. They are found in large, fatty, cold water fish, olive oil, and canola oil. Omega-3s help turn down the ‘volume’ of communications between brain cells (similar to the action of a mood stabilizer). Documented benefits of Omega-3 oils include improved mood, clearer thinking, more serenity, better concentration and focus, and better vision.

Tenth, add B Vitamins and folate in particular to your supplement regimen. Published studies have shown a relationship between B vitamins and depression. Increasing levels of B vitamins are highly likely to improve your mood.

Eleventh, add Ginseng. Ginseng is popularly touted as a way to beat stress, improve vigor and simply feel better. The main idea with ginseng is that it helps when your body is stressed. Stress occurs anytime you are challenged above and beyond what your body is used to. An Olympic skier won't ski faster by taking ginseng. He's used to that stress of exercise. A working mother of two kids won't notice a difference. She's accustomed to her daily routine. However, throw in a new baby, or an ill parent, and you’ve just spilled over into exhaustion. That’s when ginseng does make a difference - when you have to push beyond your limits to the point of exhaustion. Ginseng helps increase your resistance and prevent exhaustion.

Twelfth, breathe – We have covered deep breathing in previous shows. This is the deep diaphragmatic breathing where you breathe into your abdomen, not your chest. Focus on pushing out all of the air in your lungs. The goal is to fill your lungs 100% with fresh air on each breath.

Just as with your thoughts and feelings, you want to be constantly aware of your breathing every second of every day. Remember, we’ve already shown it is possible to split your conscious mind in two parts. One part you can use to tend to the daily demands of your life. The other part must be used to monitor your breathing, your thoughts and your feelings. With practice, it can be done.

Thirteenth, don’t isolate yourself. As much as you can, surround yourself with family and friends.

Fourteenth, go easier on yourself

Forgive yourself for your mistakes and shortcomings. Picture yourself as a small child. Now picture yourself parenting yourself. Forgive yourself as you would like to have been forgiven as a child. Mistakes are merely learning opportunities.
And learn to forgive others

Let go of anger and disappointment by writing a letter forgiving the individual who has hurt you. Holding on to the anger only harms you. Forgiving enables you to move on and get past the hurt.

Fifteenth, return to nature. This is a great way to reconnect with your soul. Just take a few minutes, go outside, breathe in deeply, and look at the birds, the trees and the grass.

Sixteenth, get your sleep. Research has shown that adults need between 7 and 8 hours of sleep. No more, no less. If you are too far on either side, you are playing with fire. Sleep too little you risk exhaustion. Sleep too much, you risk lethargy and depression.

Seventeenth, do something for someone else. Altruism is perhaps the most powerful way to snap your mind out of a funk. Focus on someone besides yourself.

To sum up, there are at least fifteen things you can do immediately to pull yourself up and out of a funk. These include taking supplements such as Omega-3 fatty acids, B vitamins, and ginseng, getting your 8 hours of sleep, daily exercise, staying in the present moment, and more. Remember to welcome the feelings that you have. Don’t repress them. That leads to physical troubles such as high blood pressure and heart disease. Rather, be aware of them, listen to them, and let them go. Think of yourself as a net through which emotions pass and not as a container for feelings.

Guide To Self is sponsored in part by Infinet Assessment, the best in employee testing. If you want the best employees, test to find the best candidates. Take a look at Infinet’s comprehensive assessments which look at EQ, IQ, personality, and ethics at http://www.infinetassessment.com or call 925-944-3441.

More information on sadness and depression may be found at the Guide To Self website at http://www.guidetoself.com.

Guide To Self(C) 2005-06.

2006-02-14T09:06:00.000-08:00

Dr. John Schinnerer, host of Guide to Self radio, talks with Dr. Shawn Dill, Director of Community Outreach for Life West Health Center in Hayward, California and a upper cervical chiropractor. The theory of chiropractics has always made sense to me: you make some adjustments, push some bones back in place, and you have a better circulatory response.

Yet, there’s always a twinge of fear in me right before getting my neck adjusted.

One of my issues with chiropractics was the lack of precision in the adjustments and the fact that there was no way to measure progress or quality of treatment.

Well, now that’s all changed.

Dr. Dill is practicing upper cervical specific chiropractic where the focus is on your head and neck (atlas and axis more specifically).
What’s more, each time you go in, Dr. Dill uses Computerized Infrared Thermography (images that track heat variability and in turn nerve problems) before and after your adjustment so that he CAN measure the results. This excites me. This has possibilities.

For those of you interested in learning the latest in physical health, stick around. This is your friendly neighborhood psychologist, Dr. John Schinnerer and you’re listening to Guide To Self radio on KDIA 1640 AM. http://www.guidetoself.com/.

Are you an avid listener? Call (925) 944-3440 for sponsorship opportunities. The owner of KDIA and KDYA has made some remarkable concessions in an attempt to support
Guide To Self. Email for more info on the remarkable sponsor package
now available. Info@GuideToSelf.com.
Duration:31 minutes, 13 seconds

MP3 File

Top Things to Do When You Begin To Get Mad

2006-02-13T15:02:00.000-08:00

Dealing with Disagreement for Couples
Dr. John Schinnerer
Guide To Self
(925) 944-3440
http://www.GuideToSelf.com

Cupid may help people fall in love, but he fails miserably when it comes to helping couples remain in love. That’s because the degree to which you love someone, amazingly, has little to do with how long your relationship lasts. The biggest secret to a happy relationship has to do with how well you deal with your conflicts – what you do when you get mad at your loved one!

Researchers can accurately determine if a couple will divorce simply by watching them talk about their differences for just five minutes. Using this little chunk of information, researchers are correct 91% of the time in uncovering those relationships that will endure versus those that will crash and burn.

In partnerships headed for divorce, a woman typically brings up an difficult topic by criticizing her husband. For instance, when the woman wants her spouse to fix the sink, she might say “You never do anything around the house.” The husband usually responds by getting negative and blaming his wife with comments like, “What are you – stupid!? You don’t appreciate all that I do! I never sit down.” Criticism and personal attacks pave the way down the road to divorce. If you want to end up divorced and alone, just keep on denigrating your spouse.

On the other hand, if you are open-minded and want to keep your marriage intact, then find healthy ways to communicate.

As it is far easier to DO something rather than NOT do something, I’m going to share with you 15 things to DO when you sense yourself getting angry with someone you care about (For example, “Don’t sit down” is a much harder command to follow than “Stand up.”).

So to keep your relationships going strong, I recommend these emotional tools:

Things to Do When You Begin to Get Angry

1. USE “I” STATEMENTS:

When you’re upset with your spouse, begin the conversation at a low level of intensity. Don’t start by with an attack. Instead use the I statements. Start by explaining how you feel and why you feel that way. Follow it up with what you need your spouse to do. For instance, “I’m frustrated by everything I have to do. The house is a mess and we have guests coming over tonight. I need your help picking up the house.”

2. STAY CALM WHILE LISTENING TO THE PROBLEM:

When your spouse tells you what’s wrong, stay calm. Fight the automatic urge to attack. Instead, ask your partner to be specific about what he or she wants like, “What do you need me to do?” If you’re too mad to be respectful, take time to calm down — go for a walk, watch TV, go to bed — before talking again. It’s always helpful to have a standing time out rule where anyone can take a break from a disagreement because they are too angry or emotional to continue. Nothing will get resolved if one or both of you are angry. First, get past the anger, then solve the dispute.

3. BE SILENT.
Close your mouth. Shut your pie hole. This is the single best thing you can do when you’re angry. Why? It buys you time to calm down and thus, to think more clearly. When you are angry, you are far more likely to say something that you later regret. Learn the art of silence.

4. LEAVE THE SITUATION.
Think of your anger on a ten point scale where 1 is calm and 10 is enraged. If your anger goes above a 5, take a time out. Walk away. Have a standing rule in your house that anyone can take a time out whenever things get too heated. Agree to come back to the issue later when things have calmed down.

5. LOOK AWAY.
Staring at another person when they are angry serves to heighten their negative feelings. Look away. Look at your shoes, the ceiling, the sky or a picture. Give the other person a minute to recompose him- or herself. Keep them in your peripheral vision. Just don’t look directly at them.

Guide To Self(C) 2005-06.

2006-02-10T13:25:00.000-08:00

Top Things To Do When You Become ANGRY

15 things to do when you begin to realize you are starting to get angry.

Dr. John Schinnerer, host of Guide To Self radio, shares his best secrets on defusing your anger in tense situations with loved ones.

Guide To Self radio may be heard every Monday through Friday on KDIA 1640 AM. More shows available at http://www.guidetoself.com.
Duration:27 minutes, 43 seconds

MP3 File

The Secret to a Lasting Marriage - Correct 91% of the time!

2006-02-09T13:39:00.000-08:00

Dealing with Disagreement for Couples
Dr. John Schinnerer
Guide To Self
(925) 944-3440
www.GuideToSelf.com

Cupid may help people fall in love, but he fails miserably when it comes to helping couples remain in love. That’s because the degree to which you love someone, amazingly, has little to do with how long your relationship lasts. The biggest secret to a happy relationship has to do with how well you deal with your conflicts.

Researchers can accurately determine if a couple will divorce by watching them talk about their differences for just five minutes. Using this little chunk of information, researchers are correct 91% of the time in uncovering those relationships that will endure versus those that will crash and burn.

In partnerships headed for divorce, a woman typically brings up an difficult topic by criticizing her husband. For instance, when the woman wants her spouse to fix the sink, she might say “You never do anything around the house.” The husband usually responds by getting negative and blaming his wife with comments like, “What are you – stupid!? You don’t appreciate all that I do! I never sit down.” And so on down the road to divorce.

If you want to keep your marriage intact, find a healthy way to communicate.

To keep your relationships going strong, I recommend these emotional tools:

1. USE “I” STATEMENTS WHEN TELLING ABOUT THE PROBLEM:

When you’re upset with your spouse, begin the conversation at a low level of intensity. Don’t start by with an attack. Instead use the I statements. Start by explaining how you feel and why you feel that way. Follow it up with what you need your spouse to do. For instance, “I’m frustrated by everything I have to do. The house is a mess and we have guests coming over tonight. I need your help picking up the house.”

2. STAY CALM WHILE LISTENING TO THE PROBLEM:

When your spouse tells you what’s wrong, stay calm. Fight the automatic urge to attack. Instead, ask your partner to be specific about what he or she wants like, “What do you need me to do?” If you’re too mad to be respectful, take time to calm down — go for a walk, watch TV, go to bed — before talking again. It’s always helpful to have a standing time out rule where anyone can take a break from a disagreement because they are too angry or emotional to continue. Nothing will get resolved if one or both of you are angry. First, get past the anger, then solve the dispute.

2006-02-07T18:41:00.000-08:00

Dr. John Schinnerer talks with Dr. Jonathan Haidt, author of “The Happiness Hypothesis: Why the Meaningful Life is Closer Than You Think.” Jon is a professor at the University of Virginia. And his book is about ten Great Ideas. Each chapter is an attempt to appreciate one idea that has been discovered by several of the world’s civilizations: to question it in light of what we now know from scientific research, and to extract from it the lessons that still apply to our modern lives. It is a book about how to construct a life of virtue, happiness, fulfillment, and meaning.

Some of the questions asked include...

You use metaphors effectively to help readers understand complex ideas. Would you tell us about your rider (conscious mind) and the elephant (unconscious, emotional mind) metaphor?

You write that we are all hypocrites and so it’s quite hard for us to stick to the Golden Rule. Why are we so hypocritical?

What about the happiness hypothesis? Where do you think happiness comes from?

What are your thoughts about Nietszche’s statement, “what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger?”

How have our concepts of values and morality changed over the years?

Listen in to Dr. John Schinnerer every Monday through Friday on KDIA 1640 AM in the SF Bay Area. http://www.guidetoself.com.
Duration:27 minutes, 38 seconds

MP3 File

2006-01-31T09:02:00.000-08:00

Dr. John Schinnerer, host of Guide To Self radio, speaks with Charlene Proctor, author of Let Your Goddess Grow! Charlene speaks out on female empowerment, the lure of What the Bleep Do We Know and the need to cultivate the female divine. Find out how to improve your self-image as a woman, what men really want from women and much more.

Guide to Self radio airs on KDIA 1640 AM in San Francisco, CA. More shows are available on http://www.guidetoself.com. Dr. John Schinnerer
is available as time permits for individual life coaching towards a happy and passionate life at (925) 944-3440. Keynote speaking
engagement inquiries for Dr. John can be directed to Info@GuideToSelf.com.
Duration:27 minutes, 56 seconds

MP3 File

Life Leeches - This Week on Guide To Self Radio with Dr. John Schinnerer

2006-01-30T14:15:00.000-08:00

Guide To Self is Life Affirming Talk Radio
This Week on Guide To Self 1640 AM at 5:00 pm
http://www.guidetoself.com
http://www.kdia.com

• Monday, January 30th, 5 pm: Charlene Proctor, PhD, author of Let Your Goddess Grow! 7 Spiritual Lessons on Female Power and Positive Thinking.

• Tuesday, January 31st, 5 pm: Dr. John Schinnerer on Top Ways to Deal with People who Exhaust You, or Life Leeches!

• Wednesday, February 1st, 5 pm: Dr. John Schinnerer on Top Ways to Deal with People who Exhaust You, or Life Leeches! Part 2

• Thursday, February 2nd: Ongoing positive psychology coaching with Katie regarding Life Leeches.

• Friday, February 3rd: Ongoing coaching with Amy on the best ways to deal with people who drain your energy and never return any.

Visit us today at www.GuideToSelf.com. Past shows are available on a wide variety of topics at our interviews page.

Guide To Self, Inc. | Alamo | 94507 | (925) 944.3440 | GuideToSelf.com

2006-01-26T11:21:00.000-08:00

Life Leeches - People that Drain Your Energy, Part 2.

Part 2 in an ongoing series on Life Leeches: Everyone of us knows one, a person who leaves you drained, exhausted and miserable after every encounter. They're called Life Leeches - people who drain you of your most precious commodity - your energy. Life Leeches create barriers to a happy life. They don't want you to be happy because they aren't happy.

There are at least 14 types of Life Leeches of which you need to be aware. The Volcanic Leech, the Malicious Life Leeches (i.e., the dangerous Antisocial Leech and the Empty Shell Leech), the Oblivious Leech, the Whining Leech and more.

Find out about the various types of Leeches AND how to identify them so they don't drain you of your strength and patience. Guide To Self Radio is hosted by Dr. John Schinnerer, a psychologist out of U.C. Berkeley.

More shows are available at http://www.guidetoself.com/interviews.htm.
Dr. John is available for coaching and keynote speaking engagments at (925) 944-3440.
Duration:27 minutes, 48 seconds

MP3 File

The Types of Life Leeches - People who Suck You Dry

2006-01-25T11:13:00.000-08:00

People Who Suck…You Dry:
Life Leeches, Energy Vampires and Toxic People
Dr. John Schinnerer
DrJohn@GuideToSelf.com
Guide To Self Radio
http://www.guidetoself.com/

Life leeches and energy Life Leeches – people who suck…the energy right out of you! There are more than a dozen types of Life Leeches. None of the Life Leech labels are necessarily a life sentence. So you want to keep the door open because the possibility exists in many cases that the Life Leech can change for the better. Remember the human brain has the ability to make new pathways and grow new brain cells throughout our lifespan. This means that every day is a new opportunity to recreate who you are and how you treat other people.
So focus on what you can control – your actions, your feelings, your thoughts. Foster forgiveness and compassion. Take good care of yourself. And treat everyone around you with respect and dignity.
So here are the types of Life Leeches to lookout for…

There is the Whining Leech who always wants to complain but never looks for a solution.

The Judgmental Leech who casts a judgmental finger at everyone but himself.

The Drama Leech who is overwhelmed by life and treats even minor crises as major catastrophes.

The Non-stop Talker who takes 6 hours to tell you that he is short on words.

The Advice Junkie who complains and seeks out advice, yet never implements one potential solution.

The Sprinting Leech who runs from any and all confrontation.

The Oblivious Life Leech who is anyone who sucks energy from you without knowing it. This is an innocent type of Life Leech but one you need to be aware of in terms of your overall energy level. Any of you who have children know what I’m talking about here – kids can suck your energy from you in a matter of minutes with a good tantrum.

The Two Types of Malicious Life Leeches…

Antisocial Life Leech. This type is not antisocial in terms of disliking company. Rather they are antisocial in the sense that he has no regard for society’s rules, personal boundaries, values, or the feelings of others. He is distrustful of others and suspicious of coworkers. He has a pessimistic outlook and frequently takes statements out of context and twists other people’s words until they are unrecognizable. A dangerous leech.

The Empty Shell Life Leech feels things very deeply, lacks a sense of self, and sees people as all good or all bad. They fill themselves up with what you are doing, thinking or feeling. You don’t want to fall into the all bad category or this Life Leech will make your life miserable. A dangerous leech.

The Volcanic Life Leech, one of the scariest Life Leeches due to their angry outbursts, you never know when they will explode and you don’t know exactly where you stand with them. They are expert at hiding their feelings. And when they blow, there is often a fear that they may become physically violent. The volcano is always filled with inner fury. They keep a long list of the injustices done to them. They never forget a slight.

The Emotional Ice Cube, They show no emotion. The ice cube has no emotional awareness. They do not know how they are perceived by other people. They are totally numb. You may get the feeling as if you want to take them by the arms and shake them.

The Self-Loving Life Leech, This Life Leech loves to talk with other people – about themselves. They usually talk a great deal – about themselves. Deep down, in their core, they are fearful, insecure and feel unworthy. Their goal is to impress you with their experience, knowledge, travels, accomplishments or skill.

The Browbeating Bullying Leech.

I think everyone had their own personal bully growing up. Unfortunately, some bullies never grow up. They continue their bullying ways right into adulthood, using intimidation to get what they want.
The browbeating bully tends to use a loud voice and close physical quarters to scare you into giving them whatever it is they want. When you make a mistake, the bully leech will yell at you to correct it. When you call them on their mistake, the bully will yell at you and tell you that you make mistakes also. The bully loves to watch you sweat and fret.
How do you get out of that position?
Don’t buy into their game. You can give them back a taste of their own medicine by standing up to them and refusing to be intimidated. Using your deep breathing, remind yourself that you will not stand for bullying. Put your hands on your hips and in a loud and firm voice, tell them “Stop. You sound as if you are trying to get what you want by yelling at me. That may work with other people, but I don’t appreciate being yelled at as I was your four year old child.” This will typically cause them to respect you and back off the yelling game. Normally, just calling them on their game is enough to snap them out of their little drama.
There are specific ways to deal with each type of life leech. Stay tuned in to Guide To Self Radio to find out tips to deal with each type.
Dr. John Schinnerer
Guide To Self Radio

2006-01-25T10:52:00.000-08:00

A frank chat with coaching client, Amy, about the types of life leeches in her life and how to deal with each kind. Part of an ongoing series on Life Leeches and Energy Vampires.

Everyone of us knows one, a person who leaves you feeling exhausted and negative, after every encounter. They're called Life Leeches - people who suck...you dry. Life Leeches create barriers to a happy life. They are miserable and they want you right there with them.

There are more than a dozen kinds of Life Leeches of which you need to be aware. The Whining Leech, the Drama Queen, the Sprinting Leech, the Antisocial Leech, the Oblivious Leech, the Empty Shell Leech, the Advice Junkie Leech and more.

Find out about the various types of Leeches AND how to identify them so they don't drain you of your vitality. Guide To Self Radio is hosted by Dr. John Schinnerer, a psychologist out of U.C. Berkeley. More shows are available at http://www.guidetoself.com/interviews.htm.
Duration:27 minutes, 21 seconds.

Dr. John Schinnerer can be heard daily Monday through Friday on Guide To Self radio on KDIA 1640 AM at 5 pm in the SF Bay Area.

MP3 File

2006-01-25T09:56:00.000-08:00

Everyone of us knows one, a person who leaves you feeling drained, exhausted and negative, after every encounter. They're called Life Leeches - people who suck...you dry. Life Leeches create barriers to a happy life. They don't want you to be happy because they aren't happy.

There are at least 14 types of Life Leeches of which you need to be aware. The Volcanic Leech, the Emotional Ice Cube, the Sprinting Leech, the Antisocial Leech, the Oblivious Leech, the Empty Shell Leech, the Advice Junkie Leech and more.

Find out about the various types of Leeches AND how to identify them so they don't drain you of your vitality. Guide To Self Radio is hosted by Dr. John Schinnerer, a psychologist out of U.C. Berkeley.
More shows are available at http://www.guidetoself.com/interviews.htm.
Duration:27 minutes, 21 seconds

MP3 File

Sexual addictions: The insidious destroyer of trust

2006-01-23T10:20:00.000-08:00

If there is one thing upon this earth that mankind love and admire better than another, it is a brave man, -- it is the man who dares to look the devil in the face and tell him he is a devil.

-- James A. Garfield

Sexual Addictions and Marital Infidelity

I'm working on today's radio show. The show is on sexual addiction, marital infidelity and spousal betrayal. Really, the show is on addiction because an addiction is an addiction is an addiction. You can argue the subtle nuances of how different addictions are best treated.

Yet, humans are driven to pursue pleasure and avoid pain. Two basic motivations. Addictions are basically a pleasurable chemical rush inside the body that occur due to thoughts, feelings or actions. When we get locked into a pattern of repeating destructive thoughts or behaviors, we are addicted.

We can be addicted to anything and everything - sex, alcohol, heroin, cocaine, marijuana, excitement, adrenaline, anger, stress, worry, fear, inflexibility, power, you name it. We can be addicted to behaviors, thoughts OR feelings.

Take heroin, for example, one of the most addictive substances on the planet, right alongside crack and nicotine. When you look closely at how heroin works inside the body's cells, you see the injected heroin dock with the opiate receptors of individual cells. These are the exact same receptors that were designed to receive endorphins which are normally created via things like exercise, sex, deep breathing and positive emotions. Rather than receive the body's natural endorphins, the cell takes in the heroin molecules and that cell grows to need the heroin. Over time, more heroin is needed to produce the same perceived high.

When a particular cell is bathed in heroin for a long time or repeatedly, it's receptors shrink and it becomes less sensitive to the same amount of heroin or endorphins. This creates what we know as tolerance. The same amount of heroin is no longer sufficient to produce the desired high.

Here comes the wild part. Whether you are talking about heroin or cocaine, or anger or fear, it's the same underlying chemical process. You can be addicted to your emotions. Feelings create peptides, or molecules of emotion as Dr. Candace Pert calls them. These emotion peptides dock with the receptors on each cell. With intense or chronic feelings, the cell begins to need or crave the same emotions over and over. And just as with heroin, your cells build up a tolerance to these peptides, or molecules of emotion.

For example, if you are addicted to anger, then you will gradually need either more intense anger (i.e., rage) or need to become angry more often, in order to satisfy the cravings of your body and it's cells. And a self-perpetuating cycle is born.

Hard to imagine? I know. But it makes so much sense.

Do you have any of these in your life?

Destructive, negative feelings (short-term)or moods (long-term). These might include sadness, anger, irritability, fear, anxiety, stress, depression, resentment, disappointment, shame or guilt.

Encountering the same negative situations over and over.

An inability to change your self or your life.

A perceived inability to create a new life or pattern.

Yearning for certain emotions.

Looking for things to dull your pain.

Swearing you'll never do something again. And then you find yourself doing that same behavior again in an hour, a day or a week.

Emotions are addictive. And I believe they lie at the base of all our other addictions - sex, drugs, alcohol, and more.

Find out more by listening to todays Guide To Self radio show on KDIA 1640 AM at 5 pm (PST). Listen live on the internet at http://www.KDIA.com.

Past shows on similar topics can be found at http://www.guidetoself.com/interviews.htm.

Begin a new life today. The first step is the desire to change.

Have a wonderful day!

Dr. John Schinnerer
Radio Show Host
Guide To Self Radio
http://www.guidetoself.com/

Guide To Self(C) 2005-06.
Guide To Self is sponsored in part by Infinet Assessment, the best in pre-employment testing. Please support their efforts at http://www.infinetassessment.com.

2006-01-19T20:32:00.000-08:00

Some exciting news from the Mount Sinai School of Medicine (one of the top medical schools in the world) about resiliency. Dr. Dennis Charney recently presented critical new information as a result of his studies with Prisoners Of War (POWs). Dr. Charney has spent years looking at how at soldiers who fought in the Vietnam war, were taken prisoner, tortured and beaten for 6-8 years, and came out of it psychologically healthy. How do you manage that? That very information is shared in the second half of this show. Dr. John Schinnerer on Guide To Self Radio. KDIA 1640 AM Monday - Friday at 5 pm. www.GuideToSelf.com Dr. John is available to help increase your resiliency at (925) 944-3440.
Call today!

MP3 File

Uncover the Potential of the Human Heart and Mind - Your Heart

2006-01-16T20:33:00.000-08:00

A recent show about the immense power contained within the human heart. This information will change your view of the world around you and within you. The heart has a mini-brain. The heart creates the largest field of energy within the body. Some tools of measurement claim our energy emanates (sp?) to be 10 feet outside of the body. How do you get the brain in synch with the heart? That is the key!

Dr. John Schinnerer on Guide to Self radio - KDIA 1640 AM. http://www.Guidetoself.com

PS The baby is well. Molly is an angel. There is always a line of people waiting to hold her. Mostly - my first three children. God forbid, you cut in line! :>)

What a miracle, she is.

Guide To Self(C) 2005-06

How Could You Possibly Heal From Betrayal, Sexual Addiction, Marital Infidelity?!

2006-01-16T20:32:00.000-08:00

Okay, I'm trying out some new free uploading firm, http://www.yourfilelink.com.

http://www.yourfilelink.com/get.php?fid=5835

So, I THINK this is the link to the file on sexual addiction show done with Linda Walker from Community Presbyterian Church in Danville.

Apparently, infidelity is quite common these days. A lot of interest in this show. A lot of pain. A lot of sorrow.

Key here is to reassure yourself (over and over and over) that things WILL look better eventually.

Here is a new show on the immense power of the human heart. How to synch the brain with the heart and emotions.

http://www.freefileupload.net/file.php?file=files/170106/1137499205/GuideToSelf1-12-06HeartEnergy.mp3

Dr. John Schinnerer
Guide To Self.com
Coaching for Life
DrJohn@GuideToSelf.com

InSPIRE
Guide To Self(C) 2005.

2006-01-14T15:49:00.000-08:00

What is sexual addiction? What are the various types? How do you break the cycle of addiction? How do you respond when your spouse sexually betrays you? Infidelity, masturbation, fantasy, internet pornography, chatrooms and more are discussed in this candid conversation between Dr. John Schinnerer and Linda Walker, who runs a women's support group for sexual betrayal.

Show originally aired on Guide To Self radio on KDIA 1640 AM in the San Francisco Bay Area. Dr. John may be reached for coaching or keynote speaking engagements at (925) 944-3440.
http://www.GuideToSelf.com.
Duration:27 minutes, 31 seconds

MP3 File

2006-01-11T14:36:00.000-08:00

Are you a controlling person?
Do you have a little perfectionism in you?
Would you rather avoid your feelings?
Do you get ill because of
your stress?
Are you distrustful of others?

A 'yes' answer to any of these questions is an indicator of codependency. Codependency occurs on a spectrum and occurs when we care TOO MUCH for others, when we put the needs of others ahead of our own.

Find out more in this sizzling interview between Dr. John Schinnerer, host of Guide To Self radio, and Amy, teacher, mother of three and recovering codependent (aren't we all?!).

More shows available at www.guidetoself.com. Dr. John Schinnerer may be reached for coaching and keynotes at (925) 944-3440.
Duration:29 minutes, 56 seconds

MP3 File

2006-01-06T18:17:00.000-08:00

Do you ever wonder how to be happy? What exactly is your purpose in life? What is success?

If so, you're in luck! Dr. John Schinnerer, host of Guide To Self radio, speaks out on the areas that he plans to teach to his newborn daughter, Molly (arrived on 12/31/05), so that she will live a happy and successful life.

EQ + IQ + RQ + SQ + PQ = Happiness.

Five areas of life to focus upon. Find out how now!

More shows available at www.Guidetoself.com. Dr. John is available for coaching and keynotes as time permits at (925) 944-3440.

MP3 File

2006-01-06T18:14:00.000-08:00

In this show, Dr. John Schinnerer, a psychologist out of U.C. Berkeley, coaches Katie towards a happier life in the first segment. In the second segment, he chats candidly about the fear and trepidation he felt with his first three children and the fact that his fear has been replaced with joy for his fourth child. Humorous and insightful stories. Photos of Molly may be seen at www.guidetoself.blogspot.com.

Guide To Self radio airs in the San Francisco Bay Area on KDIA 1640 AM Monday through Friday at 5 pm.

Over one hundred more shows are available at www.GuideToSelf.com.
Dr. John Schinnerer is available as time permits for coaching or keynotes at (925) 944-3440.

MP3 File

2006-01-06T18:11:00.000-08:00

Richmond City Manager, Bill Lindsay, speaks out on what the City is doing to halt the spread of city-wide violence. Bill touches on the city's relationships with Chevron, the need for residents to be part of the solution, funding for programs and more. A fantastic interview with a tremendous city manager. Dr. John Schinnerer hosts Guide To Self Radio which aired on 1-4-06 at 5 pm on KDIA 1640 AM in the San Francisco Bay Area. www.GuideToSelf.com. Contact Dr. John for coaching and keynotes at (925) 944-3440.

MP3 File

My new daughter is here, Molly Marie!

2006-01-06T11:30:00.000-08:00

Baby Molly Marie Schinnerer Arrives!
12/31/05
7 lbs. 6 oz.
19 3/4 inches

I want to tell you about my new baby girl, Molly.

Now there have a been a few theories which boil all our actions down to two primary motivating emotions – love and fear. While this is oversimplifying things, it’s a good starting point.

I’ve been married to my wife for fourteen years. When our first child was born ten years ago, I was terrified. I was sure I was going to break her somehow. This newborn baby seemed to me to be so delicate and light and fragile. To make matters worse, my first child was a girl. I didn’t know what to do with a girl. I wasn’t familiar with the hardware. How was I supposed to change a little girl’s diapers? So many anxious thoughts raced through my head. In fact, I was so anxious and fearful that I couldn’t enjoy the experience. Now keep in mind that this had nothing to do with my daughter. All of this was filtered through a fear-filled perception of the world. All of it was in my head.

My second child was a boy. I was thrilled yet still maintained that I was better with children older than 2 years of age. The reality is that I was scared to deal with a newborn.

Five years ago, we had a third child - also a boy. By the time you get to three children, much of the anxiety has passed. I was on the road to enjoying the experience. But things change when you have three children.

For instance,
When your first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.

When your 2nd child swallows a coin, you carefully wait and watch for the coin to pass.

When your 3rd child swallows a coin, you deduct it from his allowance!!

When the fourth child swallows a quarter, you ask for change, simply to see if it can be done!

I’ll give you another example,

The first time you leave your first baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times in two hours.

With the second child, you remember to leave your cell phone so you can be reached “in case of emergency”.

For the third child, you leave strict instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees freely flowing blood.

For the fourth child, the authorities extradite you and your wife from Las Vegas and book you for child neglect. (Relax, I'm joking!)

But, this time was different. A lot of things have changed since then, in particular my ability to calm down and simply enjoy life. My wife has always had a dream of having four children. I’ve always dreamt of being left alone when I go the bathroom. Apparently, some dreams take precedence over others.

Be that as it may, my wife and I have always vowed to support each other’s dreams. And so it was that last year I agreed to shoot for a fourth child, knowing full well that it could mean my spontaneous combustion if it came out a boy.

On December 31st, I found myself getting ready to go into the operating room for the fourth time, looking much like the Michelin Man in my sterile Doc Martin pj-lookin’ cover ups. I asked the doctor, “Am I still required to wear the hat even though I don’t have any hair?” No answer.

All of our children have been c-section, going back to the first child who was frank breech. So we knew this would be c-section as well. There’s no easy way out of pregnancy. Either you pay now or you pay later. Labor or recovery from surgery – there’s no easy way out.

And if you have ever been in the operatory during a c-section then you know, it’s a very surreal experience. My wife is there on the table with an epidural so she’s numb from the neck down. There is a blue sheet to prevent us from seeing what the doctors are actually doing. And you can talk to the head while watching the surgery take place on the other side of the screen. It’s like something out of Frankenstein. Fortunately, I didn’t faint during the sights, sounds and smells of the procedure. I cut the umbilical cord and shortly brought the baby to my wife in recovery.

And here’s the thing, the joy she felt from realizing a dream she had kept all her life, her joy was palpable. You could touch it. It filled the room. And her joy became my joy. And I’ve never been so relaxed around a baby as I have with Molly. I want to hold the baby. I want to gaze at the baby for hours. I don’t panic when the baby cries.

Before I came into the studio today, I asked my wife what her level of happiness with life was. She said, aside from the pain, it’s a 10. What’s yours? I said “It’s a 9.5.” Well there’s still a little bit of fear there. I’m still not sure how we’re ever going to afford four children. Yet, having four children seems to be what we were supposed to do. It fits with our values. It fits with our family. It fits with our dreams. So we just had our fourth child and I’ve never been happier.

Two more ways to know you have four children...

The Pacifier

1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.

2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.

3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

4th baby: The hospital takes pity on you and gives you handfuls of their pacifiers. Every pacifier is straight from the bag sterile.
---------------

The Diaper

1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every ten minutes, whether they need it or not.

2nd baby: You change their diaper every 3 hours, if needed.

3rd baby: You change their diaper when your older children, or your guests, complain about the smell.

4th baby: You change the diaper when it sags to the floor. (Hey, the label said "Weight capacity: 10 lbs.!") Bonus points awarded for guilting guests into changing poopy diaper!

Anyway, back to Molly. Her face is simply angelic. I was gazing at her last night for an hour. How can it be so enthralling to sit and look at someone sleeping and breathing?! Yet, that's what I do. I sit and watch these microexpressions run across her face as she dreams. She smiles, looks concerned at times, downright afraid other times, and angry sometimes. And I wonder what she is dreaming about. She has no experience here on earth from which to draw, no experiences to dream about. Yet there is obviously a lot going on in her tiny little head. And it is absolutely amazing to behold.

I think newborns are the closest we come to God on earth. After all, they've been near Him most recently. And if that's the case, what can we learn from them?

Until next time,

Dr. John signing off.
Guide To Self

Guide To Self(C) 2006.

Guide To Self - radio at its most powerful - sponsor a road to happiness

2005-12-29T15:08:00.000-08:00

Guide To Self Radio
Hosted by Dr. John Schinnerer

www.GuideToSelf.com
KDIA 1640 AM

Sponsorship Opportunities

Guide To Self with Dr. John Schinnerer is talk radio at its most powerful – a show that takes the listener on a journey through the toughest questions life has to offer: What is my purpose in life? How do I improve my life? How can I be happy?

At the core, Guide To Self is about happiness. It is about discovering and overcoming the barriers to happiness. It is about loving of the challenges that life offers. It is about scientifically proven ways to increase the happiness of listeners. The show is about opening up pathways for people to achieve and sustain joy in the most direct and unimpeded manner. It’s about going from smart to happy. Guide To Self is a better way of life. Guide To Self provides listeners with ongoing coaching, opportunities for self-discovery, and scientifically tested exercises that have been proven to decrease depression while improving emotional well being, creating more happiness.

Difficulties are placed before us, not to stop us, but as an opportunity to develop our integrity, courage and understanding. Your happiness is not dependent upon external circumstances. Your happiness is not a result of buying a new car, getting married, or having a baby. Happiness is created by how we perceive the world around us. Happiness is the result of learning to challenge our negative interpretations of the world around us. Happiness is a learnable skill.

Guide To Self airs live weekdays from 5:00 – 5:30 pm on KDIA 1640 AM in the San Francisco Bay Area. Repeats are aired weekdays from 2:00 – 2:30 pm.

Listen in today for a highly unique program that delivers one of life’s most powerful messages…you are in charge of your own happiness.

Listener Profile

• 8.5 million potential listeners
• Daily ½ hour radio program
• Monday - Friday at 5:00 PM (Drive time)
• KDIA 1640 AM
• Live Stream
• Listen on-demand
• Podcast
• Audioblog

Radio advertising opportunities are all around us. Yet, not every advertising opportunity is so compelling and powerful. There are a few key elements that drive true value; compelling delivery of a poignant, life altering message to a hard-to-reach audience segment, and a well thought out and creative context for your message.

If your target audience includes an audience that is:

• Highly educated
• Affluent
• Financially motivated
• Socially concerned
• Environmentally conscious
• Driven by quality of life issues

Then Guide To Self presents the perfect opportunity for your message. The show’s host, Dr. John Schinnerer, a psychologist with a doctorate from U.C. Berkeley, resonates with listeners on an emotional level. And as any salesperson with his or her salt knows, sales are driven by emotions. This is truly powerful marketing.

Opportunity

Charter Partner Plan

• 10-second Open Sponsor Announcement
• One 30-second commercial announcement per show
• 10-second Close Sponsor Announcement
• Tile Ad on website with link
• Podcast Sponsorship (2 10-second announcements and one 30-second commercial per show)
• Newsletter ad (email)
• Recognition at any speaking events
TOTAL INVESTMENT $1000 PER MONTH

Guide To Self provides an highly valuable platform from which to share your vital messages. Listeners to our program generally fall in the LOHAS (Lifestyles of Health &
Sustainability marketing segment. Due to their demographics, this audience segment is highly sought after. LOHAS consumers put a premium on health, society, values-driven beliefs, and the environment. LOHAS consumers, approximately 25% of the U.S. population, are concerned about their own personal wellness as well as the health of their community and planet. LOHAS consumers incorporate their personal values and belief systems into their purchasing behavior. They are heavy users of organic food, natural personal care, hybrid cars, and other products that are healthier for themselves, society, and the environment. This passionate consumer segment is also an early adopter of new products, likely to influence others, and less price sensitive – thereby driving the growth of these (and many other) markets. It is our thorough understanding of this market segment that drives our value. With the right message, delivered thoughtfully, your marketing campaign will exceed expectations. Let our marketing and advertising specialist’s customize a plan to suit your needs.

OPPORTUNITIES
• 10, 30 and 60-SECOND ANNOUNCEMENTS
• SPONSORSHIP BILLBOARDS (OPEN & CLOSE)
• SEGMENT & FEATURE SPONSORSHIP
• NEWSLETTER SPONSORSHIP
• WEBSITE ADVERTISING
• PODCAST SPONSORSHIP
• LIVE STREAM SPONSORSHIP
• INTERVIEW SHOWCASE
• PRODUCT MERCHANDISING/SALE
• LIVE EVENTS

The audience attracted by Guide To Self is highly sought after by any company seeking to deliver their marketing message to an reach affluent, educated audience receptive to new products and services.

Research

The Guide To Self Market

• 72% prefer healthy eating
• 89% care about social issues
• 95% care about the environment
• Tend to be college graduates
• Enjoys nature & travel
• Very likely to influence others
• Prefer organic products
• Are typically socially responsible
• Tend to be less price sensitive
• Have higher incomes

Biography

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.
Dr. John Schinnerer graduated from U.C. Berkeley with his doctorate in psychology. He graduated Summa Cum Laude. He been a coach and counselor for over 12 years. His areas of expertise range from ADHD, depression and anxiety to moral development to family dynamics. He is a noted writer and speaker on topics such as emotional intelligence, optimizing brain functioning, and creating a healthy and functional workplace. Dr. Schinnerer has been on the path of self-discovery for the past 20 years. His passion is extending the point of intersection between spirituality, philosophy, and psychology. Dr. Schinnerer sits on the Leadership Council for The Wellness Community. He is a member of the American Psychological Association, Society for Human Resource Management, and the Society for Business Ethics.

Contact Dr. Schinnerer: DrJohn@GuideToSelf.com (925) 944-3440.

Guide To Self(C) 2005.

2005-12-29T08:33:00.000-08:00

Guide To Self radio host Dr. John Schinnerer has a revealing chat with Florida State Guggenheim Fellow professor and author of Why People Die By Suicide. Find out about Dr. Joiner's family experience with suicide that drove him to pursue studying suicide and depression. Discover the latest scientific findings about what drives suicidal behavior, what the top warning signs are to look for and most importantly, what to LIVE for.
Show aired on KDIA 1640 AM in the SF Bay Area on 12-28-05. www.
GuideToSelf.com Info@GuideToSelf.com
Duration:28 minutes, 45 seconds

MP3 File

2005-12-23T14:30:00.000-08:00

Spineless Single Adults (SSAs) That Can't Break Off a Relationship

Guide To Self radio host, Dr. John Schinnerer, speaks with SWF (single white female) looking for SWM. SWM must NOT be on the rebound or currently involved with another romantic interest.
Listen in as Dr. John talks about the high rate of adult singles who are addicted to relationships. They cannot seem to break off an old dying relationship before embarking on a new one. Needy? Spineless? Poor boundaries? All are possible. All are covered. Show originally aired on 12-21-05 on Guide To Self Radio on KDIA 1640 AM. Hosted by Dr. John Schinnerer.
Duration:29 minutes, 16 seconds

MP3 File

2005-12-23T14:28:00.000-08:00

Carl Davis Jr., President of International Christian Business Network and ED of Black Economic Council

An interview with Carl Davis Jr., a warrior for Christ and outstanding individual. Carl is the President of the Christian International Business Network and the Executive Director of the Black Economic Council. Carl was formerly a Financial Advisor for Morgan Stanley. Carl and Dr. John Schinnerer talk about Ministry in the Marketplace to 24/7 to CIBN. Show originally aired on 12-20-05 on Guide To Self Radio on KDIA 1640 AM. Hosted by Dr. John Schinnerer.

Duration:29 minutes, 16 seconds

MP3 File

2005-12-21T08:58:00.000-08:00

Guide To Self radio had the honor of interviewing Dr. Frank Mosca,
brilliant therapist, author, coach, and NYU professor, on the topics of:
What is positive psychology?
How you can learn to be happy.
The ABCs of finding happiness.
How do our beliefs influence our feelings?
And much more...

Originally aired on 12-20-05 on Guide To Self Radio on KDIA 1640 AM. Hosted by Dr. John
Schinnerer.

MP3 File

2005-12-20T12:45:00.000-08:00

The top indicator for success in managers and executives is emotional intelligence (EQ). EQ is a prerequisite for success in the workplace.
Not only that, EQ is necessary for a successful home life, marriage and spiritual life. Emotions are the primary driving force in our lives. They underlie every thought we have and every action we take. Emotional intelligence means that you are aware of what you are feeling WHEN you are feeling it. It means that you can manage those emotions so you aren't blowing up at the wrong people. It means you can read the emotional undercurrents of groups. And it means that you have the integrity and courage to manage your relationships in a healthy manner. Find out more as Dr. John Schinnerer discusses his interviews with some of the top VPs of Human Resources in the world. Guide To Self radio airs on KDIA 1640 AM in the sunny San Francisco Bay Area. More shows are available at www.GuideToSelf.com.
Dr. John is available at (925) 944-3440.

MP3 File

2005-12-20T12:42:00.000-08:00

Don Adams and Dr. John Schinnerer, host of Guide To Self radio, discuss Don's unique and proven proposal to reduce violence in Richmond.

Don Adams has worked in the field of building fragmented communities for over thirty years. Don has consulted with dozens of foundations and government agencies through out the United States and abroad. What’s more, he’s had success rebuilding communities shattered by blight, violence racism and cynicism. And now he has a proposal pending before the City Council for a cultural development planning project for Richmond. So, how do we heal the deep-seated, and longstanding pains
in Richmond? Listen in for part of the answer with Don Adams, a long-time healer of traumatized towns and shattered cities. Show aired on KDIA 1640 AM on 12/15/05. More shows available at www.guidetoself.com.

MP3 File

2005-12-14T20:17:00.000-08:00

Violence in Richmond: Richmond City Council Member Gayle McLaughlin

City Council Member Gayle McLaughlin joins Dr. John Schinnerer for a candid conversation about how to reduce the violence in Richmond. Near bankruptcy in 2004, Richmond is reeling from a dearth of job training programs, after school activities, mentoring programs and much more. How does the city find money to fund sorely needed programs? Should Chevron's utility tax exemption be repealed? Guide To Self
radio show aired on 12-14-05 on KDIA, 1640 AM San Francisco Bay Area.
Duration:27 minutes, 23 seconds

MP3 File

2005-12-14T10:14:00.000-08:00

Hear the latest on the four types of anger you must know, with Dr. John Schinnerer, host of Guide To Self radio.

Do you get irritated easily? Do others tell you to calm down? Are you quick tempered?

You may want to check this out. You can't control what you don't know. Dr. John shares the four types of anger in this provocative show - anger at self, anger at others, disappointment and constructive anger.

Guide To Self radio airs on KDIA 1640 AM in the beautiful San Francisco Bay Area. Call (925) 944-3440 or visit us at www.guidetoself.com for more info.
Duration:26 minutes, 37 seconds

MP3 File

2005-12-12T20:38:00.000-08:00

Dr. John talks with Stu Zimmerman, author and host of Inside Wealth (on KNEW 910 AM Sundays at 8 am). A tremendous man who knows his values, lives them and takes risks to do what he believes is right. Faced with the death of his wife, Stu embarked on a search to answer the heavier questions in life: Who am I? What am I here for? What am I supposed to do with my life? Less emphasis on money and a more balanced approach to life. What a concept - he's actually happy! Aired on KDIA 1640 AM on Guide To Self radio with Dr. John Schinnerer.

MP3 File

Consider the possibility of sponsoring Guide To Self and Dr. John

2005-12-11T18:23:00.000-08:00

This note is to those of you who are considering advertising to a potential audience of 8 million folks in the San Francisco Bay Area.

Guide To Self is a ½ hour radio show that is part coaching (positive counseling), part interview with leading authors, part concrete steps on ways to create your own happy and meaningful life.

Guide To Self is on Monday through Friday at 5 pm on 1640 AM. Past shows are now available for free at Apple’s iTunes store (www.iTunes.com) as well as on our blog (http://guidetoself.blogspot.com) and our website (www.guidetoself.com/interviews.htm). Actual listenership is in the thousands. That number will increase as soon as we pick up another station. . We have hundred of requests for the show throughout the world each day. They are all subscribing, downloading and podcasting via the Web.

Simply consider the possibility that, as a sponsor, you get a ton of exposure: one-30 second spot per show, one 10 second mention each show (“Guide To Self is sponsored in part by your company name and they can be reached at 555-896-2030”), a link on the Guide To Self website, and weekly mention in the Guide To Self newsletter. What’s more, Guide To Self is going to run twice a day for the next two months. That means you’ll get a minimum of four impressions each day to your audience.

We already have interest from KFNX in Phoenix, Arizona. It is expected that once we have the expenses covered for the show in San Francisco that we will expand there next.

Please send or email me information on your company name, address, phone, website, price, and text describing the reading program. I’ll have my producer work up a spot for you. There is a one time $150 charge to produce the spot. If you have any questions, please feel free to call me at (925) 944-3440.

I hope it’s easier and cheaper than you thought! Truly, I think this is a positive message that can create some change for the better in the world. I am truly appreciative of your support.

I look forward to this being successful for all of us.

Warmest regards,

Dr. John
(925) 944-3440
John@GuideToSelf.com

The Five New Types of Forgiveness - And When is Enough Enough?

2005-12-09T12:52:00.000-08:00

A genuine and poignant conversation between Katie and Dr. John Schinnerer, a psychologist out of UC Berkeley. How long is long enough to wait for your spouse to "change"? At what point do you forgive and move on with your life?

Is "should" implied in a statement such as, "It is my desire to be together with my husband." Yes it is. But until Katie gets past that unenforceable rule - trying to control her husband's destiny. Will she learn to let go to start living?

Find out about the FIVE different types of forgiving on this show.

Check it out. You know you want to!

Guide To Self radio is on KDIA 1640 AM every Mon - Friday at 5 pm. www.GuideToSelf.com. Dr. John can be reached for coaching at (925) 944-3440.

Bully Proof Your Child! Teach Your Children Assertiveness!

2005-12-09T12:46:00.000-08:00

Do you know what to teach your child so he or she is safe from bullies? What do you say to your children if they are already BEING bullied?

Bullying has a long-term impact on children's development. Find out how to put reduce your child's risk of being intimidated now.

Amy joins Dr. John for a lively discussion about the best ways to bully proof your students and children. The top ways to prevent your child from being a victim. Dr. John Schinnerer, a UC Berkeley psychologist, reviews the latest in tips and tools to help you child become more assertive and less likely to become a victim!

Guide To Self Radio with Dr. John Schinnerer can be heard on KDIA 1640 AM. Dr. John is available for consultation, keynote speaking gigs and coaching at 925-944-3440.

What is it to be "happy?" How important is happiness?

2005-12-08T12:19:00.000-08:00

The goal of human existence is to learn how to be happy. We are supposed to be happy. I believe God wants us to be happy. So, if happiness is so important, what things can we do to increase the amount of time we FEEL happy? Listen in for ideas and exercises to increase your hapiness, joy and meaning through positive psychology. Best of all, it's all based on scientific, peer reviewed, published studies.

This stuff is revolutionary.

The most recent scientific research clearly shows that we have a strong say in how we feel, no matter what is going on around us. Sit back and take a listen as Dr. John Schinnerer goes over the newest ideas on how to feel happier more of the time. Guide To Self radio show aired on 12-7-05 on KDIA, 1640 AM San Francisco Bay Area.

Right Attitudes For More Joy During the Holidays

2005-12-07T14:34:00.000-08:00

Right Attitudes
Part of discovering true happiness is finding the right ways to look at the world and the people around you. And science is uncovering data that shows that certain attitudes are healthy for us to adopt. The right attitude or belief can help our heart, our lungs and our immune system. The right attitude can reduce stress, relieve anger, and help you be more creative.
If you doubt what I’m saying, which is normal, try them out for yourself. I’ll share some attitudes with you. Try them on for a few days and see how they work for you.
Now, when you come right down to it, the secret of having it all, is loving it all. Unconditional love is the intentional choice to look for the best in other people, to give them the benefit of the doubt, to extend your hand first by offering to help. People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care. By noticing the beautiful, thoughtful little things that surround you everyday, you can lift up yourself as well as other people around you. You have to slow down to look for beauty, otherwise you miss it. You find what you look for. And the more beauty you notice, the more you open up, and the more love you will feel.

     So here are some attitudes that will help you to create more happiness in your life:
     Believe in a loving and compassionate God
Believe that you are an individual worthy of love and happiness (and all of us are).
Find ways to remain humble and down to earth.
Positive emotions are created as you learn to be grateful for all that you have right down to your ability to walk, breathe, feel and think.
     Behave in an ethical manner so you need to know WHAT your values are
     Take care of your physical body
     Think positively
     Surround yourself with positive, nonjudgmental people
     Re-interpret your past with meaning
     Discover and enjoy the present moment
     Learn to be optimistic about the future
Encourage your sense of humor. Life is funny by nature. Let it amuse you rather than irritate you.
So during these trying times of the holiday season, practice adopting the right attitudes, the attitudes that will lead you to more joy and more holiday spirit.
All my love,

Dr. John

2005-12-07T09:24:00.000-08:00

Do you shudder at the thought of family get togethers? Do you panic at the thought of holiday shopping? How can you possibly keep your spirits up during this most stressful time of the year? Happy Holidays? Not for most of us. For most of us, the holidays are a knotted ball of stress, sorrow and exhaustion.

Now there is hope! Join Dr. John Schinnerer, host of Guide To Self Radio, to learn about the top 10 ways to beat back the holiday blues. Originally aired on KDIA 1640 AM in the SF Bay Area. Website is www.GuideToSelf.com.
Dr. John may be reached for consult, coaching or keynotes at (925) 944-3440.
Duration: 26 minutes, 19 seconds
Date Last Updated: Dec 07, 2005 12:03:16
File Size: 12.04 MB

2005-12-05T13:32:00.000-08:00

Guide To Self radio, optimistic positive talk radio, with your host Dr. John Schinnerer. KDIA 1640 AM in the SF Bay Area. Monday through Friday at 5 pm. (925) 944-3440. www.GuideToSelf.com

Forgiveness as a way of life and a way to let go of your past pain

2005-12-03T16:55:00.000-08:00

Forgiveness as a way
to let go of the pain from your past
By Dr. John Schinnerer
www.GuideToSelf.com
(925) 944-3440

Each one of us has an emotional gas tank inside us. Inside most of us, our emotional gas tanks are filled with anger, sadness and fear, or negative emotions. Negative emotions build up over time. They accumulate.
As an example, take anger. Anger is difficult to control yet it is predictable. It begins like a single drop of water. At first, it’s merely irritating. No big deal, just aggravating. Slowly, gradually, over time, anger accumulates. Some bonehead zips into the parking space for which you were patiently waiting. A guy in a hurry cuts you off on the freeway. Your boss is mistakenly upset with you because of a error a coworker made. The waitress takes forever to get your order and you are running late. When you finally arrive home, exhausted, your children are boisterous and energetic. Tiny drops of water slowly filling up your emotional gas tank. Drip. Drop. Drip. Drop. And when you gather together enough of these little drops of annoyance, you have unknowingly filled your tank with rage and anger. You are now jump to judgment. You are fast to fury. You instantly become irritated. Over time, over years and years of this pattern, you learn to trust no one. You learn to be expect the worst from people. You build a wall to shield you from more pain. And the quality of your life gradually becomes miserable. It’s insidious. Without awareness, you become an emotional time bomb that explodes under any additional difficulties.
There is a better way to live. It requires learning the human strength of forgiveness.  Forgiveness takes some awareness and practice, but it can be learned.
All you have to do is learn how to dump out your emotional gas tank. Turn it upside down and release every last bit of negative emotions – anger, fear, disappointment and sadness. Once you’ve emptied your tank, you have the option of filling it up with what you choose – love, joy, peace and patience.
The problem is that no one ever taught you HOW to empty out your gas tank of these destructive emotions. Once you learn how to dump out all that rage and pain, then you have a choice. Then you will have a life of which you can be proud.
The problem is that life is flawed. There is nothing permanent in life. Eventually, everything we love will wither and die. One of the few certainties in life is that, at some point, everyone feels heartbroken, let down, betrayed, or disappointed. That is the price we must pay to live life.  And it’s normal to feel anger, sorrow and fear as a result of terrible events such as homicide, rape or assault. The key is to learn how to get unstuck from those feelings. The less time you spend wallowing in your destructive emotions, the better your quality of life will be.
Why would you want to forgive?
We have a lifetime of experience holding on to our hurt. However, no one has ever taught us HOW to release the pain. Research has shown that it is bad for our bodies when we dwell on negative feelings. Yet most of us don’t know any other way.
Studies show that people with higher levels of anger, fear and depression have more health problems, are more stressed, are at a higher risk of heart disease, have a higher incidence of cancer, are less hopeful and have fewer quality relationships. Negative emotions eat away at the inside of your arteries, are bad for your heart and kill your brain cells. They raise your blood pressure, make your muscles tense and cause more cortisol, the stress chemical, to be released into your body.
Now you know why you want to get rid of those negative, destructive emotions you’ve been sitting on for decades. Let’s look at what forgiveness is and how to start to learn to forgive.
What is forgiveness?
Learning how to forgive takes some practice. It takes a little open-mindedness. However, it works and it is tremendously powerful. Forgiveness is not for wimps. Forgiveness is not an act of weakness. Forgiving does NOT mean that you approve of the act which broke your heart.
Forgiveness is a human strength. Forgiveness is the feeling of peace that you have in the present moment when you learn to stop dwelling on past hurts, betrayals and tragedies. Forgiveness is done to help YOU out, NOT the offender. Forgiveness is way to reclaim your power and control over your life.
Forgiveness does not mean that you condone of or approve of the wrongdoings that hurt you. You don’t need to be face-to-face with the offender in order to forgive. You can do it all by yourself.
There are at least three kinds of forgiveness.
3 types of forgiveness
1. Forgiveness of others which we extend to others and receive ourselves. This allows us to release our anger, disappointment and sorrow.
2. Forgiveness of self which allows us to release our need to be perfect, our guilt and our shame
3. Forgiveness of God which allows us to let go of the idea that life should be fair and

You forgiving God – Recognize and release any anger you may have at God and understand that life isn’t prefect

God forgiving you – Allows you a new start by letting go of your mistakes so you can stay in the present moment rather than fretting over the past or worrying about the future.

How do you forgive?
Forgiveness begins with the realization that you are in control over how you feel. You have a choice as to whether or not you want to hold on to the anger you feel – anger at those who have wronged you, anger at God, anger at your self, anger at your parents, anger at everybody. Forgiveness is a learnable skill just like learning to swim.
The beliefs that you hold about forgiveness open or close possibilities for you. These beliefs determine your willingness to forgive. As a result, your beliefs about forgiveness dramatically influence how happy you are.
One of the ways that I learned to forgive came with the realization that I only harm myself when I hold on to my anger.  It does nothing to get back or to punish the trespasser. Many times the person who wronged you doesn’t even know you are angry. So your anger has no effect on them.
Also, forgiveness shatters the illusion that you are a victim of your past traumas or mistakes. You are not a victim of your past. You are a survivor. You are the hero of your own story. The past is the past. You cannot change it. The best you can do is to learn new ways of being in the present moment.
Forgiveness is a way out of your prison of pain. Forgiveness is a show of inner strength, NOT weakness. Forgiveness is a sign that you are able to rise above that which life has thrown your way. Forgiveness indicates to others that you have the power to overcome tragedy.

Getting to Forgiveness
     Normally, when someone has wronged us, we create mental stories about the injustice done to us. Then we rehearse it over and over again. Many of us get stuck and have a hard time turning the page in our mind.
There are usually three parts to these stories, or grievances:

     1. We take the offense too personally (when in fact it usually has little to do with us).
     2. We blame the offender for your emotions surrounding the episode.
     3. We create a grievance story and dwell on it.
By following these three steps, you can virtually guarantee a drop in life satisfaction, a decline in mood, and greater stress.

     Rather than take these three steps, here are three new steps you can learn. The goal is to replace the steps above with the new steps below. As you practice, forgiveness becomes easier and easier.

Three necessities to be able to forgive

Know HOW you feel – Know specifically what emotions you are feeling. Most times in tragic situations, a grieving process takes place. Grieving usually involves anger, disappointment (a combination of anger and sadness), sorrow, and shock.

Know WHAT was wrong – Know specifically which behaviors were hurtful or which words caused pain.

Tell 1-3 trusted friends what happened – Share your newly recreated story with some trusted friends.

Much more to come later!

God Bless!

Dr. John

2005-12-02T11:42:00.000-08:00

Dr. John Schinnerer chats with the talented and insightful Hayley DiMarco, author of several books including Mean Girls All Grown Up, Dateable, and Marriable. Fascinating insight into the mean side of young girls, adolescents and women. Guide To Self Radio is on KDIA 1640 AM Monday - Friday at 5 pm. You can reach Dr. John at www.GuideToSelf.com or by phone at (925) 944-3440.

2005-12-01T20:56:00.000-08:00

36 homicides. By November 30th. A city of 103,000 people. 6 times the
national rate of homicide. Richmond, CA.

Recent research indicates that half of the children that grow up in a town such as Richmond will develop a new and severe form of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). They are afraid of the slightest noise, devoid of hope, and hypervigilant. Listen in as Dr. John Schinnerer suggests that part of the solution to heal the city lies on an emotional level - rage, hatred, anger, sorrow, fear. The answer lies in spreading the word about the beneficial human strength - forgiveness. KDIA 1640 AM. Guide To Self. www.guidetoself.com. (925)
944-3440

2005-11-30T21:12:00.000-08:00

Do you know if your child or adolescent is using drugs? What are the key signs to look for? Listen in as Dr. John Schinnerer, host of Guide to Self radio, shares the telltale signs. Guide To Self radio airs on KDIA 1640 AM at 5 pm daily.
www.guidetoself.com
www.kdia.com
(925) 944-3440

2005-11-30T20:35:00.000-08:00

Dr. John Schinnerer, host of Guide To Self radio, speaks out on top ways to reduce city-wide violence. Listen in as he tells of the Broken Window Theory which lead to great success in crime reduction in New York City and Tacoma Washington. Richmond, CA is next up for a reduction in violent crimes. Guide To Self Radio airs daily at 5 pm PST on KDIA 1640 AM (www.kdia.com). Guide To Self can be visited at
www.guidetoself.com. Dr. John is available for coaching and consultation at (925) 944-3440.

2005-11-29T11:13:00.000-08:00

What is positive psychology and why should you care? Dr. John Schinnerer takes you on an audio journey describing this new branch of psychology. Positive psychology looks at what is RIGHT with you instead of what is WRONG with you. It looks at your strengths rather than your weaknesses. It looks at how you can become healthier and happier rather than how broken and sad you are. And, best of all, it is all based on the latest in scientific research from top universities around the world. Find out some of the proven positive psychology exercises that you can use to improve your happiness today. Guide To Self Radio airs on KDIA, 1640 AM in the SF Bay Area with host, Dr. John Schinnerer, a U.C. Berkeley psychologist.

2005-11-26T09:32:00.000-08:00

Dr. John Schinnerer, host of Guide To Self Radio, jokes his way through a discussion on specific tools to use to identify and overcome destructive thoughts.

Make no mistake. Your thoughts are critical to your success and passion and love of life. Your thoughts and your feelings are the ones
to become expert. On Guide To Self Radio on kDIA 1640 AM in SF Bay Area. 5 pm daily.
(925) 944-3440 Duration: 54 minutes, 38 seconds

2005-11-24T21:55:00.000-08:00

Part 2 of a 2 part series on effective boundaries. Dr. John Schinnerer coaches Amy on how to be appropriately assertive by figuring out where her personal boundaries are and then enforcing
them. Learn how to say NO and stick to it without guilt.

2005-11-24T21:41:00.000-08:00

Dr. John Schinnerer, host of Guide To Self Radio, interviews Dr. Mohammad Shafii, author of School Violence and Director of Child and
Adolescent Psychiatry at the University of Louisville School of Medicine. Focus is on the out of control Violence in Richmond and the ways to quell it. Check out more shows at www.GuideToSelf.com . (925) 944-3440

2005-11-24T21:23:00.000-08:00

Dr. John Schinnerer coaches Amy on how to be appropriately assertive by figuring out where her personal boundaries are and then enforcing
them. Learn how to say NO and stick to it without guilt.

Personal boundaries are the key to being assertive without aggression. The main idea with boundaries is that you are responsible to others
and for yourself. Boundaries are NOT walls. They are permeable. Boundaries allow good in and keep bad out.

The goal is to find a balance between being
flexible and firm. Join Dr. John Schinnerer on Guide To Self Radio and find out HOW!

2005-11-24T21:11:00.000-08:00

Dr. Lusckin, Would you please tell our listeners about the following ... Tell us about the blame game.
How do we help those planes, our grievances, in our head to land?
Tell us about unenforceable rules.
How does forgiveness help us to be less angry?
Does it help us physically?
How do you forgive?
How do you learn to take things less personally?

2005-11-24T21:01:00.000-08:00

Richmond is the most violent city in California. It ranks 11th among the most violent cities in America. This is unacceptable and we will find a way to improve the situation.

Dr. John Schinnerer has a candid talk with a wise cop on the Richmond P.D., Lt. Mark Gagan. Mark has led SWAT teams, worked homicide and patroled the street. On top of that, he has a remarkable and poignant take on the perception of cops within Richmond, the prevalence of depression and PTSD among the officers, the horrors of witnessing the crime scenes over and over. The stress of knowing that potentially everyone around you is a threat. So most officers ridicule emotions. What they don't realize is that the negative emotions created by ongoing violenct aftermath are literally eating them alive - from the inside out. That attitude is the first step to real change withing the Richmond PD. We need a little enlightenment injected into the culture. Dr. John Schinnerer

2005-11-24T13:05:00.000-08:00

Dr. John Schinnerer, host of Guide To Self Radio on KDIA 1640 AM, interviews Dr. Fred Luskin, author of Forgive for Good. Forgiveness is
an extremely powerful tool for getting past tragedy, betrayal, hurt and deception. We've all been hurt in life. Pain is the price of admission to life. Everyone gets their share of emotional hard knocks, bumps and bruises. They key is in learning to forgive and let the anger, sadness and disappointment go. Here is a powerful tool to help you let your negative emotions go.

What is positive psychology? It's hard science

2005-11-24T11:57:00.000-08:00

Guide To Self coaching and radio both focus on the intersection of positive psychology, emotional management, physical health and spirituality to allow people to find passion, purpose and peace.
So what, exactly, is positive psychology?
Where traditional psychology has focused on what is wrong with us, positive psychology focuses on what is right with us. Positive psychology focuses on our strengths and positive attributes.
The best part is that it’s all based on scientific research. To many people, “positive psychology” sounds like all the other self help, self improvement hoo-haa out there. It’s not. It's all based on hard science.
Each of us wants to be happier, more productive, have healthy relationships and discover our purpose in life. And in 1998, a new branch of psychology sprung up specifically for those purposes - positive psychology.
Positive psychology studies positive emotions (e.g. joy, excitement and forgiveness) and positive qualities (e.g. wisdom, emotional intelligence and curiosity) in people. What’s more, positive psychology looks at new ways to develop these areas and how to use them to achieve greater happiness, productivity, and passion.
The most exciting part it is that it is not merely a motivational speech or bits of baseless self help advice. It’s science. Positive psychology studies these subjects scientifically and provides empirically proven exercises to help us achieve our dreams and goals.
There are numerous simple yet powerful exercises proven to increase your satisfaction with life. These scientifically proven tools can identify your strengths, increase your passion for life, create more optimism and help you manage your thoughts and emotions. It is truly powerful information.
Another way to think of positive psychology is using a football analogy. Click here for the football analogy.
Dr. John Schinnerer, host of Guide To Self Radio, lifts you from merely surviving to positively thriving. Recent advances in science have shown that everyone can learn to increase their level of happiness, emotional intelligence, passion and satisfaction with life. Find out how - now.
Guide To Self Radio is on KDIA 1640 AM every Monday - Friday at 5 pm.
Thanks for visiting!

Dr. John Schinnerer
Guide To Self Radio

More Ways to Build Resiliency - The Key to Success

2005-11-21T13:52:00.000-08:00

More Ways to Build Resiliency – The Main Component of a Successful Individual
Guide To Self
Dr. John Schinnerer
I speak a lot about resiliency, a key component in a happy, successful and thriving life. Resiliency is the ability to bounce back from adversity with more passion and knowledge than you had before the bad times. Bad times are inevitable. They are the price of admission to the game called life. Greater resiliency means that your mood, your outlook and your health rebound more quickly from tragedy.
Here are some additional ways that a person can boost their resiliency by asking for help from appropriate others: namely, seeking out support from your loved ones. There is honor in asking for help. This is one lesson that took me years to figure out. When I was growing up, it was just understood that you didn’t ask other people for help. It’s difficult to ask for help. I think it’s burned into the American psyche that we must pull ourselves up by our bootstraps, that we do it alone, otherwise we are weak.
Well, I’m here to tell you that the real weakness is the belief that you can or should do it alone. More and more, we are learning that not only is life easier when we ask for appropriate help, it creates more happiness for us and those around us and this leads to a better quality of life for all of us.
Also, there are cognitive strategies that we can use to make the best of a lousy situation. In highly emotional situations, however, using these strategies can be both transformative as well as helpful in making the best of a terrible situation.
Suppression where you sit on an intense negative emotion until you can calm down. Example, A man on probation for the first time “counting to ten” while intentionally looking at his anger, as opposed to instinctively punching a highway patrolman.
Anticipation where you know something bad is coming and you mentally prepare for it. As with a father rehearsing and preparing himself emotionally, instead of denying, the fact that his son is dying.
Altruism is where you do to others as you would like others to do to you. As with a survivor of child abuse, instead of abusing his own kids, he donates his time to a shelter for other abuse survivors.
These behaviors come to fruition as we mature as life-altering shifts in how we perceive ourselves and the world around us. It is possible. You can do it. Awareness is the first step. Desire to change is the second.
Many of these factors that bolster resiliency such as altruism, humor, suppression and anticipation, are common among the mentally healthy and become more prevalent as individuals get older and progress through their life.
Suppression lacks the compassion of altruism, and it is frequently regarded by therapists as a negative, not a positive. However, suppression can be used effectively, like buying yourself precious seconds to calm down and plan your next step.
Suppression involves the decision to postpone paying attention to a intense emotion or conflict. A critical difference between suppression and repression, is the extent to which suppression enables all the elements of conflict to exist at least partially in consciousness. So even while holding back the strong emotion, you are still aware of it and its cause. The delicate conscious awareness involved in successful suppression is partly voluntary and partly involuntary. It involves the ability to keep your current emotional impulse in mind and to control it. It requires practice yet it can be done.
The use of anticipation is typically voluntary. It is in cases where trauma is expected and foreseen that anticipation becomes a useful coping skill. Anticipation is the ability to keep the emotional response to an unbearable future in mind and in so doing, prepare yourself for the emotional storm that is coming.
Anticipation is the capacity to view future adversity emotionally as well as cognitively and thus to break down a larger problem into smaller chunks to enable you to deal with it better. Anticipation involves both thinking and feeling about the future.
For example, consider legendary pilot Chuck Yeager who calmly excelled at dangerous flying by dealing with stress in tiny increments. It would have been equally problematic to underestimate the danger as to exaggerate it. So he worried in advance, made lists, and practiced. Then, appreciating that he had prepared as well as he could, he relaxed. Anticipation is so easy to suggest but difficult to do.
Having a strong spirituality also helps our resiliency. Spirituality, or a personal faith in something greater than ourselves, enriches and sustains our resiliency reserves. In many ways it is the foundation of resiliency, the belief that good will ultimately outweigh the bad. Faith cannot be arrived at by means of the intellect. It must be approached at an emotional level. In my experience, emotional awareness is necessary for true faith. Originally, I approached spirituality from a purely intellectual view. The intellectual approach merely allowed me to become familiar with the concepts of world religions. It provided me with a distant connection to something greater than myself. However, it did not lead to a satisfying personal relationship with a higher power. There is a huge difference between connecting to a higher power with your heart rather than your head.
Mindful prayer allows us to give up our fears, anger, sadness, doubt and limitations to our higher power. Faith allows us to relinquish our need for control. When things are going well, a personal relationship with a power greater than ourselves enables us to see the beauty in the smallest of happenings – an eagle flying overhead, a sunrise, a child’s smile. Progress results from persistence with purpose. And purpose comes from belief in a higher power. To be successful in this world, it is necessary to accept it as it is and to rise above it.
To sum up, resiliency is a trait to work towards, to strive for. It is at the pinnacle of effective traits if you want to create a rich, meaningful life. Resiliency is comprised of a number of traits – a sense of humor, spirituality, altruism, suppression, anticipation, and the ability to make meaning out of adversity. Resiliency also entails an attitude of lifelong learning, realistic optimism and looking at trying events as challenging rather than threatening.
All my best,
Dr. John
Guide To Self
(925) 944-3440
"If you will call your troubles experiences, and remember that every experience develops some latent force within you, you will grow vigorous and happy, however adverse your circumstances may seem to be."
— John R. Miller